


Masquerade

by gatergirl79



Series: Unrequited Sabriel [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Love/Hate, M/M, Sabriel - Freeform, Self-Denial, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-02-05 01:45:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1800892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gatergirl79/pseuds/gatergirl79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam Winchester thought he knew who Katherine Graves was. He was wrong. After spending a night with Gabriel, Sam struggles to deal with the truth of his past connection to the Archangel, and the feelings their illicit night together as awakened in him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Regrets? There Will Always Be More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story is told from Sam's POV and covers from Abandon All Hope to Swan Song. I wanted to give Sam's side, as in the previous stories he kinda comes over as a dick. There's also some back story. Sam and Gabriel's high school romance for those who want to know how that went down.

Sam pressed his fingers into his eyes for the fifth time in as many minutes. It was a battle not to cry, though he knew Dean wouldn't blame him if he did. They'd lost friends. - No, family. They'd lost yet more family and it was all their fault. Actually if he was truthful, at least with himself, it was his fault. Not just because he'd started all this when he released Lucifer. When he'd listened to Ruby instead of his own brother. The brother who'd sold his soul for him. But because there had been a chance he could have save Jo and Ellen. All he would have had to do was pray. One little prayer to an archangel and they wouldn't be stood over a fire mourning again.

But Sam couldn't bring himself to do it, anymore than he could have said yes to the devil. He knew it was selfish but he feared what Gabriel would demand in return. 'Cause all angel's wanted something, right? So he'd stood there and watched as his friend bleed to death, and then as the building was engulfed in a ball of fire.

He stared down at the photograph they'd only taken yesterday. A moment captured in time that was meant to last forever, and would have if Bobby hadn't insisted on burning it. He'd said he couldn't stand to look at it. So there it was, turning to ash, just like the women themselves.

Sam startled suddenly and turned to look to his left. There was nothing there but he felt something. A shift in the air, like just before someone touched you. Inhaling sharply he felt his gut tighten and his head spun at the sudden scent of fresh air and honey. He could taste it on his tongue. Could feel the phantom touch of fingers over his back, biting into his muscles. He stared, his jaw tightening. He was there. Sam couldn't see him, but he knew Gabriel was there.

Anger and frustration bubbled up beneath his skin. He took a calming breath and turned away from the fire and his brother. "I need some air." he murmured, walking silently through the house to the back door. Pausing only long enough to grab a bottle of Bobby's whiskey from the cabinet. Then he yanked open the door furiously and stepped out into the cool night air. He could have called the bastard out right there in front of Dean, but his brother could never know what had happened between them. That's he'd slept with Gabriel. He didn't know if Dean would be disgusted, he really shouldn't be. It wasn't like he'd known it was Gabriel, and it wasn't like he'd slept with him as a guy. He'd thought the bastard was a girl. A girl he'd cared about once upon a time. When he was young and naive. - Though it seemed he was still naive. The past couple of years had taught him that.

Sam stepped down from the back porch and began to make his way across the yard towards the garage. The bottle hanging numbly from his fingers. As he entered the darkened hut, he glanced at the Impala. Still covered in dirt and grime from their trip to Carthage. He knew some of it came from the explosion and he felt his stomach roll at the idea that there might actually be a part of his friends clinging to the car. Sucking in a breath he walked around the vehicle to a stool in the corner. The only light in the place came from the open door and the windows on either side of the garage. Taking a seat, Sam twisted open the lid and instantly threw back half the bottle, because there was no way he could deal with Gabriel sober.

"I know you're there." Sam announced into the darkness, lowering the bottle to sit against his thigh. His voice rough with sadness and pain. "What are you doing here?" he didn't turn to look at the door. He didn't need to. He knew the archangel had followed him into the building. "I told you I'd kill you if I ever saw you again." he reminded him coldly.

The last few weeks, since storming out of Katherine's apartment. - _Assuming the place had been hers. Which of course it had to be. It had had all her stuff. Assuming it was really her stuff._ \- had been a new kind of torture. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he hadn't been able to forget about that night. He'd found himself replaying it on long drives. He dreamt about it and woke hard and frustrated….and sick to his stomach.

"And yet." Gabriel scoffed, sending a spark of fury through Sam. "I just wanted to make sure you hadn't done something stupid."

Sam's head snapped up to glare at the angel with narrow dangerous eyes. He'd done something stupid already. He watched Gabriel lift himself up onto the workbench, his legs instantly beginning to swing back and forth like a child.

Sam turned back to his bottle, throwing back a little more. "Why'd you do it?" he asked roughly the moment he lowered the Jack Daniels. He waited for an answer, hating the way the silence felt suddenly suffocating.

"Why'd I do what Sammy? I've done a lot of things." Gabriel replied flippantly, and Sam's fingers tightened around the neck of the bottle.

" _Don_ _'_ _t_ call me Sammy!" he snapped furiously. "You know what I'm talking about. New York?"

"I thought you didn't want my excuses?" the angel scoffed dismissively.

Sam grunted and took another mouthful of whiskey. He wished he'd never come out here. Wished he'd never walked into that bar with Dean. Wished he'd never met Katherine Graves.

"Besides, you wouldn't believe me."

"Probably not." Sam grumbled in agreement.

There was another long pregnant silence. Sam sat staring into the darkness around him, grateful he hadn't switched on the lights. It was easier talking to Gabriel when he couldn't see him.

"I'm sorry about your friends." Gabriel suddenly announced, breaking the eerily comfortable silence.

Sam scoffed. "I don't need your sympathy." he spat viciously.

"I can't stop him you know. - Lucifer." Gabriel said quietly.

Sam felt anger boil over. "Have you even _tried_?" he snapped; turning to fully meet the archangel's gaze in the moonlight.

" _Yes_! But _you_ wouldn't listen to me!" he snapped defensively. "Like every other damn human you just ignored my warnings."

"Maybe you should have been clearer!" Sam argued back.

"You mean tell you right out that that demonic whore you were screwing was going to screw you, and turn you into a fucking junkie? That you were destin to be my big brothers prom dress? Huh, and you'd have believe me?"

Sam sucked in a breathe, leaping to his feet and marching furiously towards the archangel. Unsure who he was angrier at. Gabriel was right. He'd tried to warn him. But hindsight was twenty/twenty wasn't it? How was he meant to have known the angel, that he hadn't even known was an angel, was warning him against Ruby? " _Maybe_ if you'd told me who you _really_ were!" he yelled. Getting closer. "Maybe if you'd told me before all of _this_!"

"You mean when you were fourteen and didn't want anything to do with this life?" Gabriel countered coldly. Aiming directly at one of Sam's many raw nerves.

" _Yes_! Instead you manipulated me! You _lied_ to me! - You let me….." he cut himself off, throwing the half empty bottle of Jack across the room to shatter into a million pieces. Smiling inwardly at the way the big, tough, dangerous archangel flinched in the shadow of his anger.

"I was hiding. It's not like I planned to cross paths with you. - Besides you hit on me, remember? "

Sam felt his stomach tighten at the smirk that spread across the archangel's face.

"You kissed me."

Sam clenched his fists. "I was fourteen and I thought you were….."

"A girl? I'm technically neither, we're genderless. Ask Cassie."

Sam glared at him. Looking the angel from head to toe, disgust printed all over his face, instantly rising to Gabriel's heckling.

"And may I remind you, Mr high and mighty, that you knew _exactly_ who I was when you were buried ball deep inside me a month ago." the angel spat, victoriously.

Sam's face tightened, his heart pounding manically. His lips turning white as he pressed them into a thin line. His whole body shaking with anger and disgust. When Gabriel smirked once more, it took everything Sam had not to swing for the man.

"Just imagine what it'll feel like in this…."

Sam had no idea why he did it. Why he'd flown at Gabriel, crushing their mouths together. Nothing made sense to him anymore. He just couldn't fight the need to discover if the taste that still lingered on his tongue was Katherine's or the archangel's. He prayed it was the former. It would make things so much simpler. He closed his eyes tight, forcing himself not to think. Just allowing his sense to run riot. He didn't touch though. He pressed his palms against the workbench. Not caring that small splinters and shards of scrap metal bit into his skin. He felt the tug on his hair and couldn't fight the groan rumbling from his chest, just as he couldn't help pressing closer to the angel.

He gasped for breath when Gabriel pulled back. The man dragging his lips down the column of Sam's neck. He curled his fingers into his palms and breathed. His eyes still squeezed shut. His heart racing and as Gabriel's teeth sank into his collarbone, he rocked his hips against the edge of the bench, desperate for some kind of friction.

Then there were warm hands clawing at his bare back, beneath his shirt and reality crashed into him. He scrambled backwards, desperate to get away. Breathing hard. What the hell was with him? He didn't like guys. He _hated_ Gabriel. He glared at the man. It was his fault. He'd tricked him, again. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he yelled.

"Me? Hey pal, you kissed me! - _Again_!" Gabriel shouted back, leaping off the work top. He stalked towards Sam. "Don't act like the fucking innocent party here Sammy." he growled.

"Don't call…."

"You kissed me!" Gabriel interrupted. "Just like you took me to bed, even though you knew who I really was."

"No I didn't!" Sam yelled; standing his ground. Knowing he was lying. He'd know. That's what made it all so much worse. It's what made his stomach curl and crumble in on itself.

"Maybe not at the beginning, but that last time, before you lost your shit and ran for the hills, you knew it was me, and you still fucked me into the mattress. - In fact….." he took another step forward, shrinking the gap between them to barely an inch. "You were more enthusiastic that last time. So tell me, _Sammy_ , how long have you wanted to fuck me?"

Sam felt sick. He hadn't enjoyed that last time any more than the first. He _hadn't_. And he'd never wanted to fuck the archangel. Not once. The guy was screwing with him. Trying to mess with his head. Suddenly he was angry. No, beyond angry. There wasn't a word for the fury raging inside him. His knuckles connected with the iron jaw, sending blinding pain through every bone and up his arm. Sam cradled his hand, gasping for air. He shouldn't have done that. Dean had warned him what happened when you got into a fist fight with an angel. Like hitting solid steel.

As if conjured up just by thinking his name, Dean's voiced echoed into the garage. Sam's gaze snapped to the door, his heart leaping into his throat. Dean couldn't find Gabriel there. He couldn't discover what had happened. He turned back to the archangel with pleading eyes and saw nothing but antagonism mirrored back at him.

"Enjoy life Sammy. What's left of it." Gabriel spat before vanishing.

Sam blinked at the now empty space in front of him. His sore hand still cradled in its partner.

"Sam?"

He startled at the sound of Dean's voice so close and turned sharply to meet him. He knew he was flushed, he could practically feel the heat engulfing his face.

"What happened?" Dean asked; moving closer. His hand reaching out for Sam's.

"Nothing." Sam snapped, snatching it back. He turned his back on his brother, rubbing his thumb over his wrist joint. His body still trembling from the shock of his 'conversation' with Gabriel.

"You should tape that." Dean murmured behind him.

Sam nodded.

"Sam?"

"I'm fine Dean….just….drop it."

There was a heavy silence, broken only by the sound of Dean's footsteps retreating. Taking a deep breath Sam dropped back onto the stool, his eyes flickering over to the workbench. Unconsciously he dragged his tongue across his lips and cringed at the lingering taste of sweetness. Sending a spark of heat though his treacherous body. Grunting furiously at himself, Sam shot to his feet and marched out of the garage, cursing the archangel's name as he went.

 

 

_**~~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~~** _

 

 

Sam woke up with a pounding head and a lead weight in his gut. He'd hoped that drinking himself unconscious would have erased the foolish mistake he'd made in the heat of the moment, but as he squinted up at the sunlight peeking thought the window, his mind replayed the previous night with vivid clarity. He could even taste honey on his tongue. Could smell the scent of fresh air and sugar. Could feel the scrap of stubble against his chin and the solid line of a prominent erection pressing into his thigh and what made the whole thing worse to deal with was that laying there in the early morning, hung-over and disgusted with himself, he'd never been so turned on.

Rubbing at his face, Sam groaned; trying to swallow away the haunting taste in his mouth. Closing his eyes was a mistake. All that he saw was a smirking archangel with amber eyes that held too much glee, instead of perfect darkness.

"Sam?"

"What?" Sam replied sharply. Straightening on the floor, eyes red, wide and guilty. "What?" he repeated a little more gently a few seconds later.

Dean frowned at his brother. "You okay?"

Leaping to his feet Sam marched into the kitchen, straight to the sink. Running the cold water; he grabbed a glass from the cupboard. He tried to breathe evenly. He forced all his thoughts away. Dean couldn't know. There was no way he could know. Hopefully he'd been too caught up in his own grief to see that Sam was keeping something from him.

Gulping down the water, Sam slowly turned to face his brother, glade to see there was no hint of knowing. If Dean had known Sam was sure he'd see disgust. Fury. Disappointment. "I'm fine." he sighed regretfully; clearing his throat. "Rough night."

Dean looked at him with understanding, which only left Sam feeling worse. He'd done it again. Messed up. Gotten in bed 'literally' with a monster. Archangel or not, Gabriel had killed people. Killed Dean. They'd hunted him. They'd tried to kill him.

"You ready to get back to work?" Dean asked cautiously.

Sam looked at his brother like he'd just grown a second head, but it quickly vanished when he remembered that this was how Dean dealt with shit happening. When people close to them died, Dean threw himself deeper, harder into the job. It was his coping mechanism. Just as it had been for their father. "Tomorrow." Sam grunted. "I need at least a few hours to get my head together." because there was a lot for him to try and deal with right now, and being stuck in a car with his work obsessed brother was not a calming prospect.

Dean stared at him with concerned eyes for a long silent moment before inhaling slowly and nodding. "Okay." Then he turned on his heels and headed for the backdoor. Probably planning on hiding behind working on the Impala, not that Sam blamed him. If he had something, an anchor like that, he'd be hiding too, as it was he was left alone in the silent house with only his thoughts and memories.

He dropped onto the kitchen chair and rubbed at his eyes. Maybe Dean and his dad had it right. Maybe working, throwing ones self into a case was just what he needed. It would keep his mind of the Trickster. Keep him from thinking about New York, and the garage. Keep him distracted from the senses taunting him when he was alone and his mind was free to wonder.

 

 

_**~~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~~** _

 

 

Sam tried to put the whole sorry mess out of his head, desperately tried keep himself busy so his mind wouldn't drift back to those two nights. He tried not to think about the way Gabriel's lips had felt beneath his own. He tried to forget the dreams that had him waking hard and frustrated. Which since the incident in the garage had gotten more frequent and way more _intense_ _…_ and disturbing. Because it wasn't Katherine he was seeing anymore, it was Gabriel.

Of course then Dean had insisted on helping out Martin and bam, he couldn't run any more. It was that damn psychiatrist's fault. Prodding and poking around in his head. Asking questions he didn't want to answer. Thinking about things he'd successfully been able to ignore for weeks. Was it really any wonder he'd snapped? Was it?

And where had it gotten him? Locking in a padded room. Handcuffed to a bed, freaking out and angry as hell. Replaying what Dean had said to him.

"Hey kiddo. Nice place you've got here."

Sam rolled his head back on the bed to see Gabriel smiling down at him. His heart skipped and then began to race. "What….what are you doing here?" he asked in a hushed voice. His eyes scanning the room. Fearful that someone might see the archangel. - That Dean might see him.

"Thought I'd drop in. Say hi. - You look like shit." he smiled nonchalantly. Walking calmly around the room. Tapping his fingers against the white cushioned walls.

"Get me out of here!" Sam part pleaded, part demanded. His face reddening as he strained against the bindings. "I need to get to Dean before the wraith does."

"Wraith? Whoa, nasty." Gabriel frowned; shaking his head as he moved closer to the bed. "Has it got in your head Sammy?" he ran his fingers through Sam's hair, leaning forward.

Sam hated that he melted into the touch. His eyes fluttering closed for a moment. "Gabriel." he murmured softly. When he opened his eyes again, the angel's face was mere inches from his.

"You know you want me, Sammy. Just admit it." he moved a little closer till Sam could feel the warmth of Gabriel's breath on his lips. Smell the honey sweet scent that he'd come to associate with the Trickster. "Say it. Go on. Just say you want me Sammy and I'll….."

The sound of the door opening had Sam's head snapping up to stare. When he turned his glaze back to Gabriel's in a panic, he was gone. Sam hated the way his stomach dropped. "Hey! Let me go!" he yelled; channelling all that hatred and anger towards the nurse who stepped in, shaking her head and cooing that he was too dangerous to be out in the real world. As she moved closer to his bed, Sam's gaze caught the mirror in the corner of the ceiling and his breath caught in his throat. Shit. How hadn't he….. "Its you!"

"Of course its me. - I've got to say you hunters don't exactly live up to your rep." she taunted; moving around his bed. Carefree and emotionless.

Sam watched her cautiously from the bed. His stomach somersaulting. He told himself to look on the bright side. At least he wasn't crazy. It was all down to the wraith. She was screwing with his head.

He flinched away from her touch; struggling against the cuffs.

"Crazy brains…." he said with a insane evil smile. "They get soaked in dopamine and adrenaline and all sorts of hormones and chemicals that make them delicious. And the crazier they are, the better they taste."

"You did this to me." Sam growled. Still struggling to free himself.

"Well, I helped. But that rage…..no, no, no that's all you. I don't make crazy, I just crank up what's already there."

Sam sucked in a breath. He suddenly felt sick. That same sick feeling he'd had in New York.

"You build your own hell, I just give you the Lego's. And when your ripe I make all of your problems disappear."

Sam closed his eyes. Listening to the roar of his rage in his ears and the pain in his chest from Gabriel's abandonment. Except it hadn't been Gabriel had it. He realized that now. It had been just another illusion created by his mind to torture him. Offering him something he wanted when he needed it most and then snatching it away.

When Dean stumbled over the threshold, Sam thought it was another illusion, right up until his brother stabbed the bitch in the chest and crouched down beside him.

 

 

**~~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~~**

 

 

Sam slouched in the passenger seat as they put as much distance between them and the asylum as humanly possible. His head aching painfully. Dean's words pounding against his brain. Over and over. " _You_ _'_ _re going to take all that crap and your going to bury it. Your going to forget about it._ _"_ He hadn't been talking about Gabriel, but it rang true all the same. He'd just bury it. Ignore the phantom touches his memory conjured up. Ignore the dreams, because it wasn't real. It didn't mean anything other than he was feeling lonely and alone, and he missed having someone. - Who wasn't Dean. - to turn to.

 

 

**~~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~~**

 

 

Ignoring it this time, lasted less than a month. Three weeks after the Asylum, they were heading on a routine hunt, something just to help then relax and forget the shit storm brewing on the sidelines when he was blown out of the water by waking up in the body of a sixteen year old.

Being trapped in the body of a teenager was some kind of universal punishment. He was sure of it. At first he'd even suspected it was Gabriel screwing with him again. - Because apparently the archangel was a constant presence in his mind now. He blamed the so-called therapy sessions at the asylum three weeks ago. Between the wraith and the doctor, he'd been forced to face up to the hurt and humiliation Gabriel's lies had caused. Which had obviously led to anger.

Since then he'd tried to lock everything involving the archangel and Katherine away where no one would ever find it. Except the harder he tried not to think about the angel the more he found the man on his mind. And it was slowly driving him crazy.

Now he was surrounded by teenagers in the middle of some unknown high school with no way to contact his brother, no idea how he'd gotten there and with a certain trickster angel ignoring his summons.

What made the whole thing worse was being in a high school was bring back memories a long time forgotten.

 

 

_Lincoln High School._

_New York. 1997_

_Sam didn_ _'_ _t even bother complaining any more. It wasn_ _'_ _t like his dad and Dean even listened any how. He simply followed his brother up the steps of the school and to the office. He collected his schedule and locker combination, parted ways with Dean with a sigh, before heading off to another set of classes he wasn_ _'_ _t going to be seeing though to the end of the semester._

_He stared into his new locker. The twelfth this year. His nose crinkling at the smell, though he_ _'_ _d smelt worse. Much worse. He didn_ _'_ _t really have anything to stash away, he just wanted a distraction and an escape from Dean who_ _'_ _d been even more loud and obnoxious than usual._

_Sam took a moment to casually scan the hallway, watching his fellow freshman trying to avoid the upper class-men for fear of their lives. That_ _'_ _s when he saw her. Stood staring into her locker as blankly as he stared into his. She was new too, Sam figured. He recognised that look. He_ _'_ _d carried that look until he_ _'_ _d learnt it could get you beaten up within ten minutes of stepping foot on school grounds. Now he just kept his head down and didn_ _'_ _t ask questions._

_Sam continued to watch her covertly. Staring as the girl's fingers tightened around the locker door, the glow of frustration on her face. Suddenly her head snapped around and their eyes met. Sam inhaled sharply at the intensity in those eyes. His heart began to pound madly in his chest, and he felt torn between moving closer and running away._

_The decision was taken out of his hands as the bell rang, breaking the moment. He blinked and she was gone._

Sam pulled himself back to the present and forced himself to concentrate on now. He needed to figure out what was going on. He needed to get in touch with Dean. - Or Gabriel. He was caught off guard when a hand landed on his shoulder, sending him into the lockers. Hissing at the sharp stink from his left cheek hitting metal. Something's it seemed never changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how was that for a start to Sam's side of the story. I hope you enjoyed it.


	2. Facing The Past Is Harder Said Than Done

Sam sat at the desk listening to the teacher ramble on. He'd sat through a thousand classes just like this one back in high school. It had been a rarity to find a teacher that inspired him, and the one he was currently listening to wasn't out to inspire anyone. Slouching low in his seat, Sam let his head fall into his hand wearily, his eyes drifting closed.

 

 

_Lincoln High School_

_New York. 1997_

_Sam couldn_ _'_ _t stop his eyes from drifting two seats ahead. Burning into the back of the blonde head. She was slouched low in her seat, her head resting on her palm as she listening aimlessly to the teacher. She must have felt him staring because her head snapped around to lock eyes with him. She just kept staring and Sam couldn_ _'_ _t help but shift in his seat with unease. Her soft blue eyes boring into his soul. Then that stern frown she_ _'_ _d been sending his way for the past few moments melted into a bright crooked grin that screamed of mischief and sent Sam_ _'_ _s heart fluttering into his throat._

The bell yanked Sam from the memory violently. He drew in a slow breath and wished he could keep his mind out of his past. Jumping out of his chair, he collected his books and headed for the door. He had to get away. Find a way to get his body back before he went completely insane.

He rushed alone the corridor, avoiding all the other students in his way. Screaming the archangel's name in his head. _Seriously, Gabriel. If this is your idea of a fucking joke, I_ _'_ _m done. - Stop this! - Gabriel!_ But there was no reply. He didn't turn the corner to find Gabriel lent against the lockers with a wicked grin. There was nothing, just an ocean of teenagers.

Marching down the corridor confused and growing more frustrated by the second, he tried to ignore the anarchy around him but a loud ruckus had him spinning on his heels to see a small group of jocks and cheerleaders crowding outside a room.

 

 

_Lincoln High School_

_New York. 1997_

_Sam turned the corner, shifting his bag higher up his shoulder, to see the girl he_ _'_ _d been watching all morning marching away from a guy he recognised as Jacob Mallory, who was, as his letterman jackets would indicated, a member of the Lincoln High elite. The star quarterback to be exact._

_Since their history class together, Sam had also discovered the name of his_ _…_ _obsession. Katherine Graves, who was not new to Lincoln High as he_ _'_ _d first thought, but was known to almost everyone as being quiet, sweet and a bit of a nerd. She was head of the bible club according to Tim, the guy that sat next to him in French. He watched Jacob rush to catch Katherine, yanking on her arm._

_According to Tim, Jacob considered himself God_ _'_ _s gift to the female population of Lincoln High and couldn_ _'_ _t for the life of him understand why any girl, namely Katherine, didn_ _'_ _t want to be his girl. Even for a day. Which was usually the case. Tim had whispered that Jake had made it his mission to hook-up with every girl from freshman to senior before he graduated and it seemed he_ _'_ _d set his sights rather determinedly on the virginal Katherine._

_Well there was no way Sam was letting that happen on his watch. He knew it was irrational to be so protective, even possessive, of a girl he hadn_ _'_ _t even spoken to, but watching Jake stalk after Katherine ignited a ball of jealousy in his gut he_ _'_ _d never felt before. It was almost unnatural surge of emotion focused solely on the girl in front of him._

" _Come on Kathy, it's just a movie._ _"_ _Jake called after the girl._

" _I think you should spend the time and money getting your hearing checked._ _"_ _Katherine said loudly over her shoulder._

" _Hey!_ _"_ _Jake snapped; grabbing her arm. Forcing her to stop._ _"_ _I know you think you're better than the rest of us, but your not. Being all pompous and high and mighty isn_ _'_ _t going to change the fact that your dad_ _'_ _s a deadbeat and your brother_ _'_ _s a druggie!_ _"_

_Katherine ripped her arm from Jake_ _'_ _s hold; glaring up at him with fire in her eyes. Sam could practically feel it from where he was standing. He watched her raised her hand. Her fingers pressed together as if ready to snap them and make him vanish or turn into the toad he was. Instead she gripped his shoulder with both hands and brought her knee up to his stomach. He doubled over instantly, gasping for breath as Katherine stared down at him triumphantly._

_Then like that it was as if something had switched, and she turned sharply, running down the corridor towards him. Over her shoulder Sam caught sight of Jake straightening, his face flooded with fury._

_Sam_ _'_ _s stomach dropped at the sight. Katherine glanced over her shoulder as he rushed after her, his fingers curling into a fist that even Sam could see from the distance he was standing._

_Sam was running before he even realised it. He passed Katherine, meeting her eyes just as she slipped seamlessly into the janitor's closet. His bag slipping from his shoulder as he skidded to a halt._

_Jake glared down at him._ _"_ _Hey, what the fuck do you think your doing!_ _"_ _he yelled furiously. "Get out of my way midget." he spat; moving to shove Sam to the side._

_Sam didn_ _'_ _t say anything, instead he used the training his father had drummed into him over the years to knock the quarterback on his ass. In the distance were the sound of feet running and shouting. Sam inhaled sharply. He knew it was only a matter of minutes before they_ _'_ _d be surrounded by half the school. His eyes settled on janitors closest. No doubt in his mind that Mallory would make Katherine pay for what she'd done._

_That fierce protective instinct surged up at the thought of the asshole hurting Katherine. He had to do something. He had to protect her. Rolling his shoulders, he turned his gaze from the closed door just as a hand curl into his shirt. He looked up to see Jake back on his feet. He didn_ _'_ _t stay on them for long as Sam channelled his anger into every punch and kick._

_By the time they were surrounded however, Sam was on the floor, curled into a ball. His nose bloody. Jake towering over him, fist raised to deliver another blow. Which was how the football couch and principle found them. Sam cowering beneath the older, taller, stronger football star, tear stained and bloody. Just like he_ _'_ _d planned._

Sam shook his head violently. Dislodging the memory. God he had to get away from this place.

 

 

**~~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~~**

 

 

Sam slammed the locker door closed and headed for the exit. So it wasn't one of Gabriel's illusions. The house he'd been taken back to the previous night, the bed he'd woken up in that morning. The name. It was all real. Sam felt a small pang of guilt for blaming Gabriel for the past few hours, but….well could anyone blame him really?

As it turned out, Gary wasn't just real. He was _really_ dumb, and a god damn cliché. Teenager playing with the dark arts as an act of rebellion, seriously? Hadn't that kind of thing gone out of fashion a decade ago?

Sam grunted. Obviously not. Dumb teenagers. But at least now he knew what he was dealing with. Now he could find a way to fix it. He just had to get to Dean and Gary, who he figured was riding around in his body. And seriously was his brother that dumb he hadn't figured that out yet? Sam shook his head. There would be words. Loud, angry words.

Only Sam wasn't any smarter than his brother it seemed, because if he were he'd have figured that the kid wasn't working alone. _Hindsight is always twenty-twenty._ Sam thought as his legs crumpled beneath him.

 

 

**~~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~~**

 

 

_Lincoln High School_

_New York. 1997_

_"_ _How_ _'_ _s the eye?_ _"_

_Sam looked up from his lunch tray to see Katherine hovering over him, a brow raised in mild amusement. His heart leapt into his throat at the sight._ _"_ _Ah_ _…_ _its fine._ _"_ _Sam replied with a stutter, straightening._

" _Good to know._ _"_ _Katherine smirked; dropping down into the seat across from him._ _"_ _Though I could have handled it. I didn_ _'_ _t need your knight in shining armour act._ _"_

_Sam stared at her for a long moment before slumping in his plastic chair._ _"_ _The usual response to someone helping you out is to say thank you._ _"_ _he huffed. Obviously she wasn_ _'_ _t as nice as everyone seemed to think. He stabbed at his chicken violently._

" _Like I said, I didn_ _'_ _t need your help._ _"_ _she replied flatly._

" _Right._ _"_ _Sam scoffed._

_Katherine stared across the table at him for a few moments before sighing._ _"_ _Thanks._ _"_

" _It doesn_ _'_ _t count if I have to tell you to say it._ _"_ _Sam snipped; glaring across at the blonde._

_Katherine shrugged._ _"_ _Suit yourself._ _"_ _she leant forward; her eyes still locked with his as her fingers curled around his Twinkie._

"Hey!"

_Katherine_ _'_ _s lips curved into a soft mischievous grin._ _"_ _So kiddo, you get in trouble with the principle?_ _"_ _she asked unwrapping the dessert._

_"_ _Did you just call me kiddo?_ _"_ _Sam frowned._ _"_ _I_ _'_ _m the same age as you._ _"_

" _You_ _'_ _d never think it._ _"_ _she chuckled; her eyes scanning Sam, even though he was sitting down._ _"_ _Your family dwarfs or something?_ _"_

" _I thought you were meant to be nice. Everyone says you_ _'_ _re the sweetest girl in school._ _"_

" _Hey, I_ _'_ _m being sweet._ _"_ _she said around her_ _…_ _._ _ **his**_ _Twinkie._ _"_ _I_ _'_ _m here talking to you, aren_ _'_ _t I? I came to see if you were alright?_ _"_

_Sam looked at her unconvinced._ _"_ _Yeah._ _"_ _he huffed, dropping his gaze back to his tray._

 

 

**~~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~~**

 

 

Sam figured being tied up and taunted by two hapless teens with no idea what the hell they were playing with would have been enough to keep his mind off a certain archangel, as it turned out it really didn't. Sure he was distracted for a while, trying to talk some sense into Gary's friends. And when the demon had showed up all his attention was focused on just not being killed. But when he was left alone with a dead teenager, unable to warn Dean, his thoughts instantly turned towards Gabriel.

He'd considered yelling for help, but considering that the angel had spent the whole day ignoring him, that was probably a pointless task. So he had nothing to do but sit there and pray to however….Cass? God? Anyone on their side in this mess. That Dean would figure out what was happening before it was too late.

With that done, he dropped his head back against the post and closed his eyes, his mind instantly wondering back twelve years. He didn't even try to avoid it this time.

 

 

_Lincoln High School_

_New York. 1997_

_Sam could feel eyes burning into the side of his face and slowly he raised his own to meet Katherine_ _'_ _s warm ocean blue gaze._ _"_ _What are you staring at?_ _"_ _he asked cautiously, his hand unconsciously rising to rub at his face._

_Katherine jolted; her face flooding with red._ _"_ _Nothing._ _"_ _she scoffed. She dropped her head to stare down at the notebook in front of her. Her hands drawing unrecognizable symbols on the white sheet._

_Sam watched her intensely, his attention wholly taken up by the warm glow of her pink cheeks and the way her blonde hair hung in a pony-tail over her shoulder. Darker at the roots than at its ends. His fingers flexed around his pen. He_ _'_ _d been getting that feeling increasingly over the last week and a half._

_After their first actually conversation being a disaster, Katherine had tried to avoid him. But the universe had seemed out to push them together, as their biology teacher Mr Carter pulled their names out of the bowl of paper on his desk, making them partners for the next couple of weeks. Katherine had tried to get out of it, but Mr Carter had been adamant. Her reluctance though had only lasted a day, if that, then she became his constant shadow, practically. Not that Sam was complaining. He had to admit he liked the envious looks he got from his fellow students as they walked down the corridors together. And it gave him something else to look forward to each day._

_As for Katherine, she wasn_ _'_ _t half as uptight as people had said when Sam had asked that first day. She was always making jokes, which would usually be tumbling out of his big brothers mouth. She_ _'_ _d dragged him off to prank Jacob Mallory, revenge for what he_ _'_ _d done to her. She also spoke like she was a thousand years older than she actually was. It sometimes freaked Sam out. He_ _'_ _d even resorted to testing her, just to be sure. But she_ _'_ _d passed with a smirk and a laugh, like she knew what he_ _'_ _d done when he offered her a glass of holy water and_ _'_ _accidentally_ _'_ _stuck her with a silver pin._

_There was a down side to being with Katherine all the time; Dean had been teasing him relentlessly for days. Ever since they_ _'_ _d walked out of school and Katherine had pressed a kiss to his cheek before running off with a gleeful chuckle, leaving Sam to deal with his dick of a big brother._

_"_ _Now who_ _'_ _s staring?_ _"_

_Sam cleared his throat and shifted in the orange plastic seat. They_ _'_ _d been in the library for over two hours, while everyone else was out enjoying their Saturday._ _"_ _I think we need a break._ _"_ _Sam announced suddenly leaping from his chair. The fact was_ he _needed a break because the longer he sat their, the worse the itching in his fingertips became and the faster his heart raced._

_Katherine glanced up at the clock._ _"_ _We_ _'_ _re almost done. The sooner we finish this, the sooner we can get out of here and enjoy the rest of our weekend._ _"_

_Sam sighed wearily and reluctantly fell back down onto the chair._

" _God, you_ _'_ _re such a drama queen._ _"_ _Katherine shook her head, getting to her feet._ _"_ _Fine. We_ _'_ _ll take a break. Go get a soda._ _"_

_Sam watched her head away from the table and jumped to follow her, racing to catch up._

_They left the library in silence, Sam keeping a wide berth. His hands buried deep in the pockets of his jeans. They turned the corner towards the vending machine when suddenly Katherine_ _'_ _s hand was heavy and painful on his shoulder, yanking him back and shoving him violently into the wall. Katherine peeked her head around the corner of the building, her face tight with tension. Her eyes staring off into the distance. Sam stared up at her with wide eyes for a moment before he opened his mouth to demand an explanation, only to have Katherine_ _'_ _s hand clamping firmly over his lips._

_Time seemed to stop. Sam stood with his back pressed to the wall, his mouth covered by a soft delicate hand that smelt irresistibly of sugar and fresh air. He closed his eyes for a second and inhaled deeply. He moaned before he could stop himself, his eyes flying open in horror to find Katherine still staring off across the parking lot. If she heard, she wasn_ _'_ _t letting on. Sam shifted his weight and rolled his lips together as his mouth grew dry. His eyes scanned Katherine_ _'_ _s face. She looked both terrified and angry. Sam was flooded with concern and protectiveness; he wrapped his fingers around her wrist and gently yanked it away from his mouth._ _"_ _What_ _'_ _s wrong?_ _"_ _he demanded quietly._

_Katherine_ _'_ _s head snapped around to meet his worried gaze, surprised. As if she_ _'_ _d forgotten he was even there._ _"_ _Nothing._ _"_

_Sam_ _'_ _s stomach dropped at the distance in her voice and gaze. Like they were strangers._

_"_ _Hey Sammy._ _"_ _Katherine whispered. Her hand cupping his cheek gently._ _"_ _It_ _'_ _s nothing. - Just_ _…_ _friends of my brother I don_ _'_ _t really want to see._ _"_ _her thumb brushed against his cheek reassuringly._

_Sam stared up at her, his heart rocketing with every sweep of her thumb. His breath catching on every inhale. He could hear Dean in the back of his mind telling him to just go for it. That it was the perfect moment. And when it came to girls, Dean knew what he was talking about. So he listened. Taking a final deep breath, Sam lifted his hand to Katherine_ _'_ _s cheek, mirror the way she held his face, pressed himself up on tip-toes and pulled her into a soft sweet kiss._

"Sam?"

His eyes snapped open at the sound of a familiar deep voice. His stomach dropped with disappointment as he stared up at Castiel, the ropes binding him falling away.

"Are you alright Sam?"

Sam swallowed back the phantom taste on his tongue. His heart thundering in his ears. "I….I'm fine. Dean?"

"Fine. He's at the hotel with Gary and the demon."

 

 

**~~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~~**

 

 

Sam stared out at the passing highway, his head still fuzzy from the magic body swap. Living Gary's life really had put his own teenage years in perspective. It had also left him feeling a little lonelier, and a lot more lost. His thoughts had been focused on Gabriel for hours and he had to fight the almost overpowering desire to call him. But he couldn't do that. Gabriel wasn't Katherine. Gabriel was an archangel with a side line in punishing jerks, and a death toll to rival Attila the Hun. There had never been anything real between them. He'd just…Sam didn't even know what the assholes game plan had been back then, but whatever it was, he'd gotten bored quickly enough.

 

 

_Lincoln High School_

_New York. 1997_

_Sam bounded up the steps, his heart racing. He hadn_ _'_ _t spoken to Katherine since Saturday. Since their kiss. He burst into the school, his eyes scanning the corridor for any signing of her. He spotted her instantly by the lockers, her back to him. She seemed different somehow. Gone were the baggy jeans and t-shirts, replace by a stylish yet conservative grey shirt and a pale yellow sweater. She was talking to two other people. Friends from her bible group. She_ _'_ _d blown them off last week to hang with him and it looked like she was trying to apologize. Sam_ _'_ _s gut clenched painfully, his breath catching at the bad feeling flooding his system._

_Cautiously he headed towards her. He was a few feet away when she turned, her friends pointing out his approach with their heads. Sam held his breath as she met his gaze for only a second before dropping it, her whole face turning scarlet. He swallowed the lump in his throat as Katherine smiled sadly at him, mouthing an apology, before she turned and walked away with her_ real _friends. Leaving Sam stood frozen in the middle of the corridor, unsure what had happened to the girl he_ _'_ _d fallen in love with._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so that's probably made Katherine seem like a real bitch, but we know she isn't. He does care for Sam, she's just fourteen and free of an archangel. She's probably confused and scared. But she knows how Sam felt about her and rather than carry on the lie she decided to just cut all ties.
> 
> Also, Cass coming to Sam's rescue. I did that because seriously that whole final scene of Swap Meat makes no damn sense what so ever to me. I mean why the holy hell would you drive across town (assuming their still in the same town and not another town, or another state) pick up your brother from the basement of an empty house, then drive all the way back to the motel you've just left to switch him back, only to drive all the way back across town to drop off dip-shit and his girlfriend, when you could just take them with you to the basement, do the magic and take them home? So my only solution was that Dean was dealing with Gary and the demon and called Cass to collect Sam.
> 
> See you again soon.


	3. A Lie Can Only Cover So Many Sins

Sam was still shaking. He didn't think he'd ever stop. He lifted his hand to his chest, rubbing. Searching. Reassuring himself he was in one piece. He could still feel the shot ripping though his flesh. Destroying his heart. He shivered again and reached for the bottle of Jack Daniels. Turning his head to stare over at his brother, passed out cold on the bed.

Dean had barely said three words since leaving the motel in Montana. He'd just driven as fast and as far away as he could. Dean had tried calling Cass at the gas station fifty miles out, but the angel wasn't answering. Which only made Dean's mood worse. He hadn't seen Dean so distance since Carthage. Which inevitably brought another angel to mind.

Another chill shot down Sam's spine at the thought of Gabriel and he swiftly swept the memory of comforting arms and rough lips away. Of the warm scent of sweetness and ozone. Sam closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. It was stronger than usual and he knew why. His visit to heaven had been a revelation in more ways than one. When he'd woken up in bed with Katherine, feeling incredible, he'd been confused. Then he'd just put it down to being another of his dreams. He'd gone along with the replay of that night in New York. And when the scene changed and it was another memory, he thought nothing of it. Dreams did that. They took moments of your life and knitted them together.

Then Dean had shown up, and Cass had appeared on the TV. They'd told him he was in heaven; replaying his happiest moments and instantly Sam's gut had curled up tight and painful. Because he'd never admit that New York had been a true joy. That it hadn't been tainted by knowing it had been Gabriel. He hadn't even admitted that to himself, not until that moment.

Sam threw back a large gulp of the whiskey, savouring the burn it left in its wake. The whole visit to heaven had been one long disaster. One awful nightmare, which had left him and Dean tiptoeing around their issues once again. Cass was a wreck - At least he'd looked a wreck when he'd left. - And Sam, well all he seemed to be able to think about was Gabriel. An archangel trickster every element of sense said he should hate, that he _did_ hate, but who'd given him some of the best moments in his life.

He decided to give up fighting it. At least for one night. It was draining him, trying to keep the memories and fantasies and…. _feelings_ at bay. Just for tonight he was going to just let it go and admit he'd liked it. That he was curious. That he wanted more and didn't care what it made him. He ran his tongue over his lips and groaned at the lack of taste. Just more whiskey. Nothing else. He rubbed at his chest again, an almost empty feeling seeping into him.

Sam stumbled to his feet, wobbling slightly, before he was even conscious of what he was doing. His head went dizzy for a few seconds but he just shook it off. Gaining his equilibrium, he stumbled over to the dresser and dragged the pad and pen to him. Scribbling an almost unintelligible message for his brother, before grabbing his jacket and keys.

He exited the motel and stepped into the cold damp night. It wasn't late, barely eleven. There were cars still rolling past on their way to god knew where. People mulling about left and right. Laughing. Talking. Enjoying the evening. Couples kissing on sidewalks and doorsteps. Not a single one knowing how close they were to oblivion. Sam stood just watching the world carry on. A painfully heavy weight in his chest. He didn't know how long he stood there but finally he took a step. And another. Then another. He just kept moving, putting distance between him and his brother. His hands buried in his jacket pockets. Still trembling. Though maybe this time it was from the cold.

He didn't know where he was going. Hadn't been in the small town long enough to. He stopped at a liquor store for another bottle of Jack, then kept moving. He was half way across town when he finally gave up. Glancing around, he sighed at the small grotty motel. Sam paused, debating whether to go back to Dean and the Blue Mountain Motel, or just keep walking.

Finally thought his feet carried him to the reception desk of the Paradise Motel. He was barely aware of what he was saying when he asked for a room. Though whether that was because of alcohol or just the lingering shock, he couldn't say.

Sam didn't bother flicking on the light, he simply stepped into the room, allowed the door to fall closed behind him and headed for the large bed. His fingers tightening around the bottle in his hand as he lowered himself slowly down. Sat on the edge he pulled the whiskey from the brown paper bag, opened it and lifted it to his lips. Immune to the burn finally. He panted for breath when he lowered it, and stared into the darkness. His head growing fuzzier by the moment. He ran his tongue across his lips, grunting frustratingly.

The whispered plea tumbled from his lips before he could stop it. "Gabriel. Gabriel." he held his breath, waiting for the familiar sound of air shifting, despite knowing Gabriel made no noise when he moved. He didn't know how long he waited, but it was long enough to grow exasperated and desperate. "Gabriel. I know you can hear me." he whispered a little harsher. "I want you." Sam's heart skipped and his insides unclenched just a little at the honesty behind the three words.

The fact was against his own better judgement, and logic. Against everything he thought he knew about himself, he did want the archangel. Hadn't been able to think of anything for weeks. And no matter how much he hated himself, disgusted himself, he couldn't fight it tonight. "Gabriel just…please." his voice broke on the words. Tears burning behind his eyes as the drink dissolved the walls he'd spent years building around himself. Everything suddenly bubbling to the surface. The pain, guilt and shame almost too much to bare. They were almost out of time and it was all his fault. He brought the world to this. _Gabriel, please._ He thought over and over. No longer able to speak. He set the bottle on the floor between his feet, freeing his hands for his head to fall into. He forced breath after breath into his lungs. Swallowed the lump forming in the back of his throat.

Sam's head snapped up at the sound of his whispered name. Almost half expecting to see nothing but the empty room. When he saw Gabriel stood next to the motel window, the red flashing sign highlighting the man's pointed features, making him look every bit the powerful archangel, a spark of fear and arousal rocketed through him. Shocking Sam to the core. Almost instantly enforcing sobriety on him. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

He'd been convinced the archangel would have ignored his calls. Like he'd done for weeks. Not that Sam had wanted to admit to actually calling him. Especially to himself. On long dark nights. When everything seemed impossible. When he'd returned from the past, knowing everyone expected him to say yes. - Including Dean. If his brother was honest. - When he'd been fighting the need to surrender to his addiction. When he'd been locked in a damp iron room, his body ablaze and his mind a livewire.

He'd seen Gabriel again then. Or at least an illusion of him. And of Jesse. She'd seemed so real at first. Loving and soft. Whispering comforting words to him in the dark. Her fingers brushing through his hair. Then she'd turned on him. Accused him of forgetting her. Or dishonouring what they'd shared. Of never loving her. - Then Gabriel had dropped in, and he'd had to lay there, cuffed to a bed while the pair whispered, and touched and taunted him till he was almost out of his mind.

"You called me." Gabriel replied coldly.

"I…" Sam nodded; turning his gaze back to the floor. "Did."

There was a long painfully silent moment before Gabriel spoke again, making Sam's stomach roll and his heart skip. How was this even possible? "Where's Dean?"

"Back at the motel."

He didn't look at the archangel as he replied. Fearful of what the man would see behind his eyes. A truth he wasn't even ready to deal with.

"Really?" Gabriel scoffed; harsh and unfeeling. "And they kicked you out? Or are we running away from home again?"

Sam swallowed hard. His heart rate increasing. "I….didn't want him to know about…this."

"This? And what exactly is _this_?"

That was a good question. Sam had no idea. Didn't even want to think about it. His head spun from the confusion his actions were causing. His feelings making him uneasy and unable to think straight. Sam murmured. Unsure. Taking a breath he whispered a reply. Asking the angel for help. He heard Gabriel grunt angrily and he turned to stare at the man who'd moved a little closer. His chest tightening once again.

"What with exactly?" Gabriel demanded.

Sam watched him for a second. "Ending this." he signed. Though whether he was pleading for Gabriel to help stop Lucifer or….the growing frustration beneath Sam's flesh, he couldn't say.

"You think I can do that? I mean I could kill you, hide you body in the highest peak of out Mongolia." he replied flatly.

Sam sighed wearily, shaking his head. "He'd just find me. Anna wanted to kill me and scatter my cells…." he choked off; pinching the bridge of his nose as he focused on the bottle between his feet.

"Anna? - When?" Gabriel demanded. His voice harsh, commanding. _Furious_.

Sam's eyes snapped up to stare at the archangel and that spark of arousal shot through him again. "A month ago." he replied quietly. He ran his tongue across his lips as he watched Gabriel closely. As he moved closer, stopping by the dresser facing Sam. His hands in the pockets of his military green jacket. Gabriel lent back on the dresser, his face pinched and thoughtful, and simmering with repressed anger.

Sam's breath hitched and he shifted a little closer to the edge of the bed. With an insane need to hear the angel's rough, firm, teasing voice Sam spoke again. Pushing the conversation on. Confiding in the angel he had every reason to hate and mistrust. "He doesn't care." he whispered. "He says its not his problem."

"What now?" Gabriel frowned at him. A look of confusion in his amber eyes, that looked almost like golden hell-fire when the red light hit them just right.

"God."

"You talking to God now Sammy?" Gabriel teased. But his tone was cold and humourless.

Sam hated it. "Joshua." he clarified. His eyes never leaving Gabriel.

Sam's heart leapt into his throat when Gabriel pushed himself off the dresser and took a step closer. His eyes scanning the angel's face. Fear and hope battling as he waited for the man to do whatever it was he was going to do.

"Well I could have saved you the trip." Gabriel finally murmured. Closing the gap between them. Pausing between Sam's knees.

Sam curled his fingers into his palm, fighting the urge to pull the angel down and lose himself. Forget everything. It would be so easy. But sobriety was clawing its way to the surface. "We haven't heard from Cass in days. Dean's a mess."

"As apposed to when he isn't?" Gabriel whispered lightly.

Sam glared up at the man. His innate protectiveness sparking to life in Dean's defence. "How about instead of being an asshole you do something." He snapped sharply.

"I am doing something Sammy."

Hope sparked afresh in Sam's chest. Maybe they'd been wrong about the archangel. Sam had known. He'd known Gabriel would help. He's told Dean Gabriel would help. He's known.

"I'm getting on with my life and avoiding the pile of shit _you_ landed us all in."

Sam leapt to his feet, towering over the archangel. Furious at himself, at the faith, the unfounded faith, he'd put in the angel in front of him. He'd been a fool to think… "Right! I forgot, you don't want to get involved. You know Dean was right, you're a coward!" and so was he _._ Sam knew.

"Sticks and stones Sammy. I never claimed to be anything else."

"So what are you doing here?" Sam demanded. His anger quickly draining any warmth he'd felt from him.

"You called remember."

"Yeah." Sam growled; taking a small step forward into Gabriel's personal space. He could feel the heat rolling off the man. Could smell that intoxicating scent of sweetness and ozone. Like honey and spring. "But why'd you answer?"

"I got tired of your damn whining voice in my head."

Sam narrowed his eyes at Gabriel. " _I think_ you came because you hoped I wanted to fuck you again." he spat. His heart pounding in his ears. His gut tight at the thought. His dick hardening against the coarse fabric of his jeans.

When Gabriel opened his mouth to protest, Sam surged forward, taking full advantage. His hands cradling the man's face between his palms as he let his tongue devour every inch of the angel's mouth. Seeking out that taste he'd been craving too long. Gabriel refused to reciprocated, his tongue remaining suborning still. But he didn't hold out long. A few more minutes then he surrendered. Sam groaned hungrily as Gabriel's tongue came out to play with maddening enthusiasm. The angel's hands wrapping tight into the folds of Sam's shirt, pulling him closer. Trapping them between Sam's chest and Gabriel's. The archangel's hips rocking forward to rut against Sam's thigh.

Sam let his hands drift. Exploring. His thumb brushing at the rough line of Gabriel's jaw before trailing their way up into the man's soft thin hair. Combing through it. Curling around the stands, forcing Gabriel's head back further to deepen the kiss. They staggered a few feet till Gabriel hit the dresser. Sam's hips thrusting forward, rubbing his growing erection against the smaller man's stomach.

Then Sam was staggering back under the force of Gabriel's strength, as the angel shoved him away. Sam landed on the bed with a bound and a moan. His eyes wide as he stared up at the archangel. Gabriel dragged his hand over his mouth, a look of disgust on his features.

"No!" Gabriel snapped. Waving a furious finger at Sam. "Not this time asshole. I'm not your fucking bitch, Winchester. You don't get to call me up when you're drunk and horny, then throw your puny human weight around when you come to your senses. You want a booty call, call a fucking demon!"

The blow hit just where it was intended, below the belt. Killing instantly Sam's mood and knocking him quickly back to reality. What the hell was he doing? What made him really angry wasn't the dig at his disastrous fling with Ruby, but that Gabriel was right. If he did this now, he'd hit out later. He leapt to feet. "Seriously, you're getting moral?" he snapped; desperate to save face. Humiliation heightening his anger.

"It's not about being moral, its about self-respect. I don't like being used."

Sam stared at him; mouth gaping with surprise. "Funny, neither do I."

"I wasn't using you! That's not what that was about dick-brain!"

"Oh really, so what was it?" Sam snarled. Growing increasingly furious. "Boredom? Revenge?"

"Think of it as my bucket list."

"What?" Sam frowned; confused.

"You know, a hundred things to do before you die." Gabriel replied harshly. Ice in his warm amber eyes.

"Number 98: Fuck a human?" Sam scoffed; disbelievingly.

Gabriel stared at him for a long moment, something passing behind his eyes. A sadness. "Yeah, something like that." he finally shrugged; turning away from Sam.

The room fell eerily silent. Sam watched the angel, watched the red from the outside light turn Gabriel's hair almost flame like. Watched the way the man's shoulders slumped slightly. Sam's heart began to race. His mind moving at a thousand miles a second. He cleared his throat and inhaled deeply. "Why was I on your bucket list?" he asked. Though he wasn't sure he wanted to know. It scared him a little.

Gabriel span suddenly; his eyes panicked as they met Sam's. "Because….I'm a fucking idiot who's been around humanity too long!"

"That's not an answer." Sam pressed. His breath coming fast and hard as he wait for the truth. The oxygen in the room burning his lungs. His hand trembling at his side. Did he really want the truth? Did he need it?

"Well it's the only one you're getting. - And if this conversation is finished, I'm leaving."

"Wait!" Sam rushed forward; grabbing the angels arm. Surprised and aroused by the muscle he could feel beneath the layers.

Gabriel glared over his shoulder at him but Sam didn't let go. "Help us. _Please_."

Gabriel vanished without an answer, leaving Sam's hand empty and cold. Leaving the room empty and cold. Sam let his arm fall to his side, inhaling deeply. Savouring the lingering scent that would continue to haunt him. His anger dying and his regret growing. He padded slowly back to the bed. He felt eerily numb suddenly. A bizarre feeling of loss and being lost. He crawled onto the bed and flipped onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. Blood rushing in his ears and his heart thundering rapidly beneath his ribs. Slowly his eyelids drifted closed and he welcomed the drunken oblivion of sleep.


	4. Behind The Mask Are Truths We Can't Face

It had been almost six weeks since Sam's foolhardy encounter with Gabriel in a dark motel room. He'd arrived back to his and Dean's room the next morning to find Dean gone. For a moment he'd thought Dean had split without him. That maybe he'd discovered where Sam's had been and with whom, and dumped his ass in the middle of nowhere. But when he'd stepped into the motel room he'd found a note from his brother saying he'd gone for breakfast. Sam had sighed with relief, then went to grab a shower. Needing…. _hoping_ to wash Gabriel's scent from his skin. It hadn't helped. Nothing ever did.

During those six weeks, Sam hadn't repeated his whispered pleas for help. He hadn't asked Gabriel to come to his aid. He'd pushed all thoughts of Gabriel and that night out of his head. Despite their stubborn determination to sneak up on him when he least expected it. And for the most part ignoring it all was working.

Except for when he looked at his brother and saw the shadow of fear and loss in Dean's features. Two weeks ago they'd lost Cass and despite Sam's mumbled reassurances that the angel was fine, that they'd find him, Dean never looked convinced. Sam wasn't an idiot, he knew it was getting to his brother. He noticed the way Dean checked his phone when he thought he wasn't looking. Or the way he'd look at the sky like he was silently praying. It was strange and unsettling.

When they'd been forced to stop at the motel on the side of the Indiana highway, Sam had somehow known it wasn't a good idea. Not just because they were swiftly running out of time. Detroit was calling. Sam heard it getting louder every day. Though he never told his brother. - But what he feared most about taking time to relax and recharge, was the inevitable place his mind was going to go. Working, fighting, kept him busy. Made it easier not to think about….things.

Sam reluctantly took a seat at the table, his plate in front of him. He had to admit it was nice to eat something that wasn't cooked up in a greasy roadside diner for a change. He tugged his phone out of his pocket and stared down at the screen, not really expecting to see anything. It was just another distraction technique.

"Sam unpucker, man. Eat something." Dean announced; appearing at the table.

Sam looked up at his brother. "We should hit the road, Dean."

"In this storm? What, it's…"

"It's biblical. Exactly. Its frigging Noah's ark out there and we're eating pie." he glared at his brother. Okay so maybe this was him running again. Running from thoughts and dreams he'd spent the last six weeks avoiding.

"How many hours sleep did you get this week? What, three? Four? - Bobby's got his feelers out, okay. We've talked with every Hoodoo man and root woman in twelve states."

Sam groaned inwardly. He hadn't slept much. It was just easier that way. When he did sleep he was always haunted by memories. Dreams that made it hard to deny what he was feeling. And it was confusing the hell out of him. "I'm not giving up." Sam murmured; and he wasn't all that sure he was talking about the fight against Lucifer. Part of him feared giving in to the desire he'd been carrying around for months.

He would have expected to have just brushed the whole New York incident off. Been furious with Gabriel but just forgotten about it. He'd never have expected the memory to linger, even if it had been Katherine. His first high school sweetheart. - Only even then it hadn't really been Katherine, it had been Gabriel. And it was hard for Sam to forget that.

The fact that it wasn't Katherine's body he was dreaming about any more, that the scene in New York played out but it was Gabriel in the starring role only made Sam more confused, and more determined to fight it. If someone had asked him a year ago if he'd ever been attracted to guys, he would have shook his head and murmured. "Not in a million years." It was just…there was something about Gabriel, something that got beneath his skin and refused to be removed.

"Nobody's giving up!" Dean was saying harshly in front of him. His brother's gaze hard and determined.

Sam knew Dean was trying to make up for almost doing just that. Despite the fact that when push came to shove, he hadn't actually agreed. - Though Sam knew the guilt lingered over Adam and Cass. That they'd been the ones to pay.

"…we will find Cass. We will find Adam…" Dean continued. "But you are no good to me burnt out."

Sam stared at his brother for a long moment before inhaling slowly; inclining his head in surrender. "Yeah. Yeah. Okay." though he knew he wouldn't sleep tonight.

"Come on we have actually got the night off for once. Let's try to enjoy it."

Sam smiled uncertainly and lifted his fork. Stabbing at his salad. "Yeah."

 

 

_**~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~** _

 

 

Sam was going to kill Dean. As soon as they got the hell out of here he was going to bludgeon his idiot brother to death. Then he could rest all he damn well liked. Night off indeed. If _anyone_ should know they _never_ got a night off, it should be Dean. - And if _anyone_ should know you never _say_ you've got a night off its Dean. _Moron_.

Because of course this was a trap. Of course they'd been lead here like mice in a maze. It was so blindingly obvious. Though Sam had to admit, Pagan Gods from around the world? That he had never expected.

Sam grunted as he was manhandled into a chair, shooting Dean a murderous look that told his big brother he was laying the blame completely at his feet.

"Before we get down to brass tacks, some ground rules: No slaughtering each other. Curb your wrath. Oh and keep you hands off the local virgins. We're trying to keep a low profile here."

Sam swallowed. "Oh, we are so, so screwed." he whispered; shaking his head. He glanced over at Dean and found the same 'oh shit' expression on his brother's face.

"We all know why we're here. The Judea-Christian apocalypse looms over us. I know, we've all had our little disagreements in the past but the time has come to put those aside and look towards the future…"

Sam inhaled slowly as he watched the man, whose name tag introduced him as Baldur, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Now we do have two very valuable bargaining chips. Michael and Lucifer's vessels."

"Oh shit." Sam whispered. Sharing a horrified, concerned look with his brother. They were way more than just screwed.

"The question is: What do we do with them?"

Sam held his breath as Baldur asked for suggestions. His head snapping around when another of the gods, Zao Shen, got to his feet. Speaking rapidly.

"I don't like his tone." Dean whispered; and Sam had to agree.

A moment later Odin spoke. Brushing aside the idea that they were facing Armageddon before getting into a heated argument with Zao Shen.

Sam glanced over at Dean, who nodded behind them. If they were ever going to get the hell out of here, now was the time. While the gods were distracted with their own pathetic squabbling. Only not all the gods were distracted. They barely made it three feet before a chandelier crashed down in front of them, blocking their path.

"Stay."

Sam turned to stare at the goddess stood at the head of the table. Her eyes burning into him. He could practically see the flames flickering in them. He knew enough about Kali to know not to piss her off.

"We have to fight…" she continued. Tearing her gaze away from Sam to look around the tables. "The archangels, the only thing they understand is violence. This ends in blood. There is no other way. It's them or us."

Sam's stomach dropped at the furious heated words coming from the woman's mouth. It sounded personal, to Sam. More personal than for the other gods. And that most certainly didn't bode well for him and Dean.

"Will all due respect, ma'am. We haven't even tried talking to them."

Sam winced as Kali turned that hot blazing stare on the hotel concierge, who the name tag now introduced as Mercury. He held his breath as the man's face began to turn blue. It was like that scene from Star Wars, only…without the death. As Baldur ordered Kali to stop.

"Who asked you." Kali snapped at the demi-god.

Sam startled as the door behind him flew open. He turned sharply and instantly his heart was in his throat. His eyes wide with, and he hated to admit this, hope as Gabriel strolled confidently into the room. That smug cocky smile pasted to his features. "Can't we all just get along!" Gabriel announced; arms stretched wide.

He caught Sam's gaze and the hunter's heart skipped.

"Gab…."

Sam turned to stare at his brother as he was cut off mid word. He opened his mouth to ask what was going on, only to find himself silent too. Instantly he glared at Gabriel but the angel shook his head, tutting at the pair.

"Sam. Dean. Its always wrong place, worst time with you muttonheads, huh?"

Sam inhaled deeply. There was something in the archangel's gaze, a glint in the man's eye, which somehow told Sam to just trust him. That he wasn't here to sell them out.

"Loki."

"Baldur." Gabriel smiled fakely. Stepping past Sam. "Good seeing you too. I guess my invitation got lost in the mail."

Sam groaned, thankful he had no voice, when Gabriel's scent hit him. Instantly bringing back memories and tastes he was fighting to forget. He watched the archangel closely as he interacted with the other gods. Smirking inwardly at the mention of the elephant in the room.

"But first things first." Gabriel turned back to them; and once again Sam's heart leapt into his throat. Stealing his breath. "The adults need to have a little conversation. Check you later."

Sam stumbled as the world moved around him. His breath coming out in a rush as he found himself back in their motel room. He panted, his heart hammering painfully against his ribs, his head spinning. He'd love to say it was because of the sudden unexpected trip on angel airlines, but the truth was it was Gabriel. Seeing him again.

"Okay, did that…? Holy crap." Dean grumbled beside him.

Sam glanced around. He felt like he was trapped in cotton wool. Nothing making sense. Especially his own feelings. "Yeah. Tell me about it. By the way, next time I say lets keep driving, uh, let's keep driving." he scolded. Dragging his hand through his hair.

"Okay, yeah. _Next_ time." Dean nodded.

Sam started to pace. He needed to burn off the sudden burst of adrenaline flooding his body. He shot Dean a look and found him calm and collected, which only made Sam more certain that it was Gabriel making him suddenly jittery. Dammit. "All right, so…what's our next move?"

"I don't know. We grab those poor saps out of the freezer I guess. Bust 'em out, gank a few freaks if we're lucky."

Sam nodded in agreement as he continued to pace.

"And when are you ever lucky?"

The sound of Gabriel's voice had Sam spinning on the balls of his feet to meet the other man's gaze.

"You know what? Bite me, Gabriel." Dean shot back.

"Maybe later, big boy."

Sam clenched his jaw, narrowing his eyes to glare at the archangel. It wasn't jealousy that sparked at the come-back. It was irritation. Frustration.

"I should've known. This had your stink all over it from the jump." Dean accused, and Sam _almost_ opened his mouth in defence of the archangel.

He wanted to kick himself. This was Gabriel. Everything they knew about him said he'd be involved in this. Yet, somehow Sam knew he wasn't.

"You think I'm behind this? Please. I'm the Costner to your Houston. I'm here to save your ass."

Sam released a sigh of relief and was grateful Dean was too busy arguing to notice. Though he feared Gabriel might have.

"Bingo. These gods are gonna dust you or use you as bait. Either way, you're uber-boned."

Sam was fully aware of the way Gabriel was avoiding looking at him. He was probably still pissed about what happened in the motel six weeks previous, and Sam was surprisingly not okay with that. He didn't like the thought that Gabriel was angry at him.

"Why do you care?" Dean demanded beside him, and Sam's eyes widened. Locking on Gabriel. He'd asked that same question and hadn't received an answer, and he doubted Gabriel would give one to Dean. At least not an honest one.

"I don't care." Gabriel insisted coldly with a shrug.

 _See_. Sam signed to himself.

"But me and Kali, we had a thing."

Sam's eyes narrowed of their own accord, his heart leaping into his throat. So it had been personal for the goddess. Knowing that only made him feel worse.

"Chick's all hands." Gabriel added with a wiggle of his eyebrows and a smirk.

The sight brought back the memory of Katherine's bed, Gabriel teasing him. Joking with him. How could he have not know it was Gabriel? How could he have lied to himself? Or keep lying. The memory was overpowered by the blazing feeling of jealousy. He was so screw. More so than ever before.

"What can I say, I'm sentimental." Gabriel added with a nonchalant shrug.

Sam stared down at the floor for a few moments before shaking himself. There was more important things going on right now than his insane reaction to Gabriel's presence. "Do they have a change against Satan?"

"Really Sam?" Dean said sharply.

Sam met his brother's gaze. "You got a better idea?"

"It's a _bad_ idea." Gabriel insisted; stepping forward. Forcing Sam to look down at him. To inhale his scent and fight the reaction it was creating in his body. "Lucifer's gonna turn them into finger putty. So let's get you out while the going is good."

Sam stared at him. Surprised at the genuine concern and fear in the archangel's voice. Though he probably shouldn't be. He knew that and part of him hated it. Because suddenly he found himself looking back over the past five years, and all he could see was Gabriel trying to keep him alive.

"Would if I could but Kali's got you by the short and curlies. It's a blood spell. You boys are on a leash."

"What does that mean?" Dean demanded angrily.

"It means its time for a little of that old black magic." Gabriel announced dramatically.

Sam's eyes blazed green. He felt it. The jealousy as Gabriel made a show of preparing himself to visit Kali. His stomach tight. He opened his mouth to protest. To put his foot down and announce that there was no damn way in hell Gabriel was going anywhere near his ex. But nothing came out. Sam was so swallowed up by his jealousy he wasn't even aware of Gabriel and Dean arguing. He just stood there glaring at the archangel.

Sam was finally pulled out by Dean grunt, and the sight of him marching passed them to head for the bathroom. Leaving him and Gabriel alone for the first time since the archangel had arrived. Once again Sam wanted to demand Gabriel keep away from Kali, though he knew he had no right. "Why are you really here?" he found himself asking instead.

"I told you, I'm here to pull your asses out of the fire."

"Why?"

He wasn't sure what he wanted to here. Maybe that this was about Kali, or just because Gabriel was bored. He knew what he didn't want to hear. That the archangel was there for him.

"What do you want me to say, Sammy?" Gabriel sighed; looking up with a raised brow. "You don't want to hear it. We both know that."

Sam's heart flew into his throat. Beating out a fast rhythm against his wind pipe. He coughed to try and dislodge it, but it didn't move. It just beat faster. "So…" he started nervously. "Kali?"

The smirk that spread across Gabriel face sent a spark of anger though Sam. His fingers itched to curling into a ball and punch the arrogant dick. "What can I say, not everyone finds the idea of sex with me repulsive." his tone teasing.

Sam only wished he did find it repulsive. He wished he found Gabriel repulsive. "Would she feel the same if she knew who you really were?" he asked quietly. Because he had a feeling she wouldn't, while he… "Clearly you have a habit of lying to the people you sleep with." he grunted out angrily.

Sam watched as Gabriel boiled away under the surface, his mouth opening to argue. Sam curled his hands into fist to stop from reaching out. To stop himself from touching the archangel. Every inch of him wanted to step forward and claim Gabriel. To kiss him breathless. Until all thoughts of returning to Kali were erased. And he probably would have if the toilet hadn't flushed, and his brother hadn't strolled out of the bathroom.

"You still here? Don't you have a god to manipulate?" Dean huffed; glaring at the archangel

Gabriel turned sharply, and Sam wanted to punch his brother and hug him all that the same time.

"Be ready to split. If you haven't got the lunch menu out of the freeze by the time I've got the blood, we're going without them." Gabriel ordered. His tone truly commanding for the first time.

Sam inhaled sharply at the arousal that hearing it shot through him. He got one last brief glance at Gabriel before he vanished.

"God I hate that guy." Dean grunted; shaking his head.

"Yeah." Sam murmured in reply. Knowing it was yet another lie.

 

 

_**~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~** _

 

 

He couldn't stop thinking about Gabriel and Kali. Doing whatever they were doing in the bedroom. His jaw hurt from the tension in it. The distraction was probably why he and Dean had been caught. And that only made him angrier with himself.

Sam's stomach dropped at the sight of Gabriel sat in a chair at the other end of the room. A look of defeat and nervousness in his eyes. Though he tried to hide it. Kali hovered over the angel furiously. She turned to meet Sam's gaze as he was once again manhandled over to a chair. That blazing fire almost consuming him. A woman scorned. _Shit. She knows._ Sam realised.

"Well surprise, surprise. The Trickster has tricked us." Kali announced once they were all seated.

Sam tried not to watch her hover over Gabriel. He tried not to look at the angel at all, but quickly found it an impossibility. His heart tightening at the fear he saw in the man's eyes. Every instinct wanted to leap to his feet and go safe Gabriel. But he didn't. He just sat there as she opened her mouth, shooting Gabriel disgusted and hurt looks.

"Kali don't." Gabriel whispered pleadingly.

Sam held his breath as the goddess towered over Gabriel.

"You're mine now." she murmured. Lowering herself into the archangel's lap. Her hand drifting down his chest almost seductively.

Sam glanced away, unable to watch. His stomach clenching and a acidy taste taking up home in the back of his throat. He glanced up briefly to find Kali watching him as her hand moved lower. Anger imprinted on her beautiful dark features.

"And you have something I want. - An archangel's blade." she whispered; pulling it free from Gabriel's jacket. "From the Archangel _Gabriel_."

Sam sucked in a breath, his heart racing. The night was just going from bad to worse with each ticking second.

"Okay, okay. So I've got wings. Like Kotex. But that doesn't make me any less right about Lucifer." Gabriel insisted.

Sam shifted awkwardly in the chair. If she knew and she was out of get at Gabriel there was ever change she'd tell everyone. Which meant telling Dean.

"He's lying. He's a spy."

Part of Sam wanted to laugh at that. If Gabriel was a spy he was the worst one in the universe.

"I know my brother Kali. He should scare the living crap out of you. You _can_ _'_ _t_ beat him. - I've skipped ahead, seen how this story ends…"

" _You_ _'_ _re_ story, not ours." Kali interrupted.

Sam listened to Kali. Normally he would agree with her, if it wasn't for the fact that she was planning on using him and Dean as bait, and was currently cradling an angel blade in her hand. If it weren't for the look of hurt and fury in her gaze that told him Gabriel had pissed off and lied to the wrong person this time.

Sam knew it was coming. It was obvious but when Kali thrust the blade through Gabriel's chest, the shock hit him like a ten ton weight. He froze in his seat, eyes wide as the white light of the angel's grace exploded. Filling the room, before dying out. Sam sat staring at the empty vessel in the chair not ten feet away from him. His heart racing and a sick feeling clawing at his insides. He could feel his body trembling beneath his skin.

He was startled out of his shock by Dean's voice. Shaky yet confident.

"Alright you primitive screw heads, listen up."

"Are you out of your mind?" Sam glared up at his brother.

"I'm out of options." Dean whispered before returning his attention to the gathered gods. Throwing as much confidence and venom into his speech.

Sam watched Dean closely, fighting not to look at Gabriel, or Kali. And Failing miserable. He found himself staring at the empty vessel as Dean rambled on. He couldn't believe he was gone. Obviously the guy had been right to want to stay out of the fight. Yet he'd come here, to help them. To save _him_. Again. Sam swallowed the lump growing in his throat, and was barely aware of the movement going on around him until Odin heaved Gabriel out of the change and marched towards the door with his limp body. Sam blinked as he watched Dean heading back to him.

"He stays here." Kali insisted. "Insurance."

"It's not like we can go anywhere. You've got us tied down." Dean snapped.

"He stays. Or they all do."

Sam had no idea what they were even talking about. He'd blocked out the whole conversation after about twenty seconds of Dean's insult marathon. He looked up at Dean questioningly and received a reassuring nod.

"Fine. I'll be right back." he insisted to Sam.

The room emptied quickly after that. Leaving Sam alone with only Kali and Baldur. The woman watching him and he swallowed, pushing himself out of the chair to pace the room.

"So you're the reason he left." Kali scoffed behind him. Forcing Sam to turn and face her.

"Huh?"

She didn't repeat the question. She just stared up at him. "I knew there was someone else. - I'll admit, I thought it was…" her eyes scanned his form judgingly. "Another of our kind. I never expected it to be…. _you_."

Sam swallowed. "I don't know what…"

"You can't lie to me." she sighed.

"He did." Sam snapped defensively. He wasn't going to talk about whatever it was that had happened between him and Gabriel with this woman. "How long was it?"

Her jaw tightened and her eyes blazed.

Sam worried for a moment that maybe he'd over stepped his mark, but the fact was they needed him more than he needed her. "At least I knew who he really was." he murmured in an unconscious moment of truth.

There was an intense moment of silence. The pair just staring at each other. It felt like forever before it was broken by Baldur's appearance at her side.

"So your going to summon Lucifer?" she said suddenly in a drastic change of subject. Clearly she didn't want the other god to know what they'd been discussing.

Sam looked between the gods nervously. "Sort of. I just need you to squeegee some stuff from my ribs and he'll come running."

"Breaking them would be easier." Kali replied harshly.

"Show's over."

Sam turned sharply at the sound of his brother's voice.

"Swords a fake. And Gabriel? He's till standing. I hate to break it to you, sister. You've been tricked."

Sam couldn't believe the sudden burst of relief that shot through him. He almost said something. He glanced smugly over at Kali and found she didn't look all that surprised. Not really. Like she'd known….fucking gods. They'd faked the whole damn think. But why?

Sam's attention was quickly captured by the flickering lights and the distant sound of screams outside.

"What's happening?" Baldur asked. Like it wasn't blatantly obvious.

"It's him." Sam replied nervously. Turning to stare at the door.

"How?" Kali demanded.

"Does it matter? Shazam us out of here, would you?"

There was a moment of slice and the two gods looked at one another.

"We can't." Baldur murmured.

The doors flew open, only this time it wasn't to reveal a smirking cock-sure trickster, but a very pissed and dangerous archangel. "Of course you can't. You didn't say mother may I. Sam. Dean. Good to see you again." Lucifer said matter-of-factly. Like they were old friends.

Sam held his breath as Baldur moved forward to confront the archangel. It was a disaster just as Gabriel had warned. Baldur crumbling to his knees a few seconds later.

When Kali stepped up to the plate, Sam and Dean knew it was time to duck and cover. Leaping for the table and pulling it down as a shield. A second later the room was filled with fire.

"You okay?" Sam whispered to Dean.

"Yeah." Dean nodded.

"Not really." Gabriel announced.

Sam's heart had been through too much in one day. He'd swear the next time it did that stop start things, it just wouldn't start. He looked over at Gabriel but the archangel refused to meet his gaze and it made something in his stomach knot tightly. He opened his mouth to say something, only to be cut off by Gabriel shoving a DVD at his brother.

"Guard this with your life."

Then he was on his feet and gone before Sam was even able to say what the hell.

Sam pushed himself up on his knees and glanced over the table, watching as Gabriel stood there, sword in hand. A wave of jealousy flooded through him when Gabriel help Kali to her feet and held her close.

"Guys!" Gabriel called over his shoulder.

Sam followed Dean around the table, his eyes flickering between Lucifer and Gabriel.

"Get her out of here!" Gabriel insisted. Pushing the goddess into Sam's arms.

Dean snatched her arm, dragging her quickly out of the room.

As Sam reached the door he allowed himself a moment to meet Gabriel's gaze. Knowing it was the last time he'd see him. For real this time. No fake-its. No come-backs. It was over. He should probably say something. Even if it was just goodbye, but Gabriel turned away, focusing his full attention on Lucifer. So Sam inhaled deeply and turned; rushing down the corridor to catch up with Dean.

They were ten miles away when white light filled the sky. Sam turned sharply in the seat to stare out of the back window, his eyes suddenly burning. There was a chance, a small chance that it was Lucifer that had died. - Yet Sam knew, deep down that he was just trying to kid himself. A looked at Kali confirmed it. Her dark eyes glistening with tears. She shot him an accusing look, which faded almost instantly to sympathy, before she vanished. Leaving behind two small vials of blood on the backseat. Sam snatched them quickly before they could roll down the back of the leather seat. Turning back to look at the sunrise.

He'd wanted Gabriel out of his life. - Now he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay before you say anything I know that this series is called Unrequited and that its not unrequited if Sam feels the same way. But Gabriel doesn't know that, and Sam's a stubborn shit and won't admit that. And by the time he does come to terms with it, Gabriel is dead. So in a way it is unrequited because they're never on the same page at the same time.
> 
> And in truth, when I started this series it was only meant to be Gabriel's love for Sam which was never going to be return. Then Samandriel came along and well….babies change everything right.
> 
> Oh and sorry if the flow of this chapter felt a little off. I have no excuses. Really. I can't explain it.


	5. Blinded By The White Light

_Sam let his hands drift. Exploring. His thumb brushing at the rough line of Gabriel's jaw before trailing their way up into the man's soft thin hair. Combing through it. Curling around the stands, forcing Gabriel's head back further to deepen the kiss. They staggered a few feet till Gabriel hit the dresser. Sam's hips thrusting forward, rubbing his growing erection against the smaller man's stomach._

_Then Sam was staggering back under the force of Gabriel_ _'_ _s strength, as the angel shoved him away. Sam landed on the bed with a bounce and a moan. His eyes wide as he stared up at the archangel. Gabriel stared down at him, a deep frown between his brows and the beginnings of a smirk on his lips. He took a step forward, and then another. Sam watched him closely as he approached. With each step his heart raced faster and heat surged through him, and his dick grew heavier in his jeans. He sucked his lip between his teeth._

_The bed dipped between his spread thighs as Gabriel knelt before swing his other leg over Sam_ _'_ _s, straddling a single thigh the archangel leant forward, his lips brushing Sam_ _'_ _s ever so softly._ _"_ _Damn right._ _"_ _he breathed before closing the gap once more, crushing their mouths together in a desperate hungry kiss._

_Sam grabbed at Gabriel_ _'_ _s soft golden brown hair, tugging roughly as he delved deeper into the incredible heat of the archangel_ _'_ _s mouth. His heart pounding. The taste of sweetness fresh on his tongue. Addictive in its own way. Gabriel moaned and it rumbled straight through Sam, making it echo from his own throat. His fingers tightening._

_He inhaled sharply at the first touch of Gabriel_ _'_ _s fingertips on his bare skin. He hadn_ _'_ _t even realized the angel had opened his shirt. Gabriel_ _'_ _s palmed at the toned pectorals and stroked at his abs, his fingers lingers over the waistband of his jeans. Sam didn_ _'_ _t protest when he felt Gabriel_ _'_ _s insistent tugging on the fastening. Instead he dragged his mouth away from the other man, dragging his open mouth down the elegant expanse of neck, sucking and nipping till Gabriel was gasping and writhing above him._

_He was sucking a dark bruise when he gasped. Gabriel_ _'_ _s hand slipping beneath he confines of his jeans and underwear to wrap awkwardly around his dick. Groaning pathetically, Sam fell back onto the mattress, his eyes closed as he lifted his hips for Gabriel to drag the offending fabric down his thighs. His hand dropping to the angel_ _'_ _s head when he was quickly engulfed in moist heat. Sam glanced down to watch as Gabriel carried him closer to his orgasm, only to be blinded by a white light. The sudden cried of pain echoing through his skull, tears burning behind his eyes at Gabriel was engulfed._

"Sam!"

Sam started upright in the front seat, breathless and confused. His heart racing painfully in his throat; his hands trembling and sweat peppering his brow.

"You okay?" Dean asked; brows furrowed with concern. He'd been looking at him like that for days now. Every since Indiana. Ever since the nightmares started.

"Fine." Sam choked out. Moving to make himself a little more comfortable in his seat.

"You sure? Because I'm having a weird sense of déjà vu here Sammy." Dean pressed; unconvinced.

"Meaning?" Sam grunted. Fearing where the conversation was heading. He knew he was suffering from the same delayed shock he'd gone through after losing Jessica. He knew it. Didn't mean he had to admit to it.

"You know what I'm saying Sam." Dean scolded beside him.

"Its just the stress, okay. We're at the final furlong and I guess its getting to me. - I'm fine." he insisted. Not even believing it himself.

He knew he was far from fine. He stared out at the passing darkness and tried not to think about how not fine he was. He hadn't been fine in months. Years. He was tired and scared and beyond everything else, confused.

The dreams had started the night Gabriel had died and they weren't anything like the ones he'd been trying to ignore the past five months. They always ended with Gabriel's death. The angel bursting into white light. It was like a punishment though he wasn't sure for what. Not returning Gabriel's feeling? For treating him so badly? - Maybe it was for existing in the first place. Gabriel was dead and Sam wasn't stupid enough not to know it was because of him.

"So we're going to do this again?" Dean grumbled; shaking Sam out of his thoughts.

Sam turned to glance at Dean, his brother's eyes fixed determinedly on the road. "What?"

"You keeping things from me."

Sam closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. He couldn't tell Dean what was happening in his head, any more than he could tell him about New York. As far as Dean was concerned he'd left him in that bar with Katherine Graves, high school sweetheart. He didn't want to think about what Dean would do or say if he knew it hadn't been Katherine. That it had been Gabriel wearing her meat suit. That he'd gone home with him and had sex with him. That despite lying to himself he'd known it was Gabriel and had made love to him anyway, before storming out of the building. - That less than a month later, in the garage of Bobby's salvage yard He'd willing stuck his tongue down the archangel's throat and actually enjoying it.

He could only imagine the disgust and betrayal Dean would look at him with. And if he knew about the nightmares. Sam shook his head. It couldn't happen. Dean could never know. "I guess so." he whispered quietly and just watched the darkness.

 

 

_**~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~** _

 

 

_He rolled Gabriel onto his back as his body covered him completely. His mouth plundering Gabriel's with a desperate passion that left the archangel both breathless and rock hard. Gabriel lifted his thigh to curl around Sam's hip as the hunter slid inside him, causing them both to gasp on a breath. Sam growled roughly at the feel of Gabriel clenching down around him, and opened his eyes to look into the amber eyes. Sighing softly as the man smiled up at him. He snapped his hips forward and grinned when Gabriel's head rolled back onto the pillow, panting and moaning with pleasure._

_He kept a sharp steady pace, driving them both towards climax. Sam's hand clenched tightly at the firm curved thigh, lifting it even higher, allowing himself to plough deeper. Gabriel cried out a mantra of his name, begging for more. His muscles growing more reluctant to release Sam with each withdrawal. They were close so Sam quickened his thrusts. Harder. Faster._

_The cry wasn't one of please and Sam froze, his eyes locking with Gabriel's as he glowed brightly. The amber warmth of his eyes turning to white fire in front of him. The body beneath him trembling._

" _Sammmm!"_

The room was dark and cold, though his skin was drenched in sweat when Sam shot up in another motel bed, breathless and trembling.

 

 

_**~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~** _

 

 

It didn't take them all that long to find Pestilence. Well at least a hint of where he'd been. They were always too late though. And while they kept hunting, the nightmares kept coming. Sam could swear they were getting worse the closer they were to the horseman, just like when they'd been hunting famine. - Then though the dreams had been easier to hide from Dean. Or he just hadn't questioned them because he wasn't waking up feeling like his heart was being crushed. Then the dreams were just the average mind porn, weird and easily dismissed. Despite the fact that they'd featured another man, a man he shouldn't be dreaming about.

Now though, they were getting harder and harder to deny. His feeling more difficult to ignore. And he was pretty sure Dean was talking about them to Bobby. Hell he'd probably have called Cass in to help figure out what was wrong with his kid brother if the angel wasn't missing in action. - Which Sam knew was only adding to his brother's stress levels, no matter how much Dean denied it.

Sam ran his fingers through his hair and groaned silently to himself as they pulled up outside the medical center.

"You cool?" Dean asked cautiously. His tone screaming loud and clear that he was expecting Sam to lose it any second.

"I'm good. Let's go." Sam grunted frustratingly; shoving open the Impala door and stepping out in the brisk afternoon wind. Inhaling deeply the cool air after hours trapped in a tin can with his brother. His eyes drifted around the street and his breath caught in his chest at the sight of a church a few feet away. The sign like a beacon to his gaze. **Gabriel the Messenger Church**.

"Sam? - Hey Sammy!"

Sam tore his eyes from the bright white building and looked at his brother. Dean's face once again pinched with concern. Sighing, he straightened his back and marched past his older brother, towards the medical center doors. His head throbbing with the beginnings of a migraine.

 

 

_**~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~** _

 

 

Sam couldn't believe they were actually considering this, and by they he meant Dean. Sure they were desperate but working with a demon? With Crowley? Had Dean forgotten how that had turned out last time? Because _he_ most certainly hadn't. He never would. Yet here they were in some rundown shake in the middle of nowhere with the man. There was desperate and there was dumb.

"How do you know about the rings?" Dean demanded.

Sam settled back against the wall. Dean would probably consider him calling Gabriel dumb, but at least they could trust Gabriel. Well, Sam did. Bizarrely enough. Though maybe that trust came from countless erotic dreams, and the memory of one amazing night. Maybe it even stemmed from the fact that Gabriel wasn't there. Sam was seeing the archangel through rose tinted glasses now. In reality he probably didn't trust Gabriel any more or less than he trusted Crowley. Except Gabriel had saved their lives. Gabriel had tried to stop this. So maybe that gave the archangel a dozen more trust credits than the demon in front of them. Because no matter what he said, Sam wasn't convinced he hadn't known the Colt wouldn't work.

"Well now, I've been keeping a close eye on you lot."

"We had hex bags, we're hidden from demons." Sam snapped harshly. His eyes narrowing on the man.

"All by one. That night you broke into my house. - Our first date. - My valet hid a tracking device in your car. A magical coin that easily trumps your little bags of bones. Allows me to hear things too. And my, my, the _things_ I've heard."

Sam's stomach tightened at the way Crowley looked at him and he straightened against the wall. He thought back. Gabriel had only been in the car once and he'd been talking to Dean. There was no way…..Sam froze. The night in the garage slamming into him, making him rock back slightly on his heels. There was no way he could have…..no. Except the look on the demons face said otherwise. He knew. He'd heard everything. Sam swallowed, his gaze flickering nervously to his brother. His heart pounding painfully against his ribs.

Crowley opened his mouth and Sam froze. Waiting. Fearing. "So you wanna cram the devil back in his box? Cunning scheme. I want it."

Sam stared at him; shocked. Crowley met his gaze, eyes narrowed and Sam knew the man was biding his time. He'd spill the beans, but not tonight.

 

 

_**~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~** _

 

 

Sam sat alone in the house. Dean had gone, against Sam's better judgement, and he'd gone alone. Sometimes he worried about his brother's mental state. Maybe he'd been hit in the head too many times. Though the worst part about Dean leaving him behind wasn't the worry Sam was feeling for his big brother's safety. No. It was the silence. It gave his mind time to think. Time to remember.

He lifted the bottle of whiskey he'd found in one of the cupboards to his lips and took a deep swig. It helped silence the endless whirlwind of thoughts going around and round in his head. The fear and the shattered hopes. The guilt.

He'd played over what Gabriel had said in the DVD over and over. That the hardest part of the plan was getting Lucifer into the cage. Both he and Dean knew Lucy wasn't just going to waltz in like a good little fallen angel. No, he was going to put up a fight and Sam wasn't stupid enough to think that they could win such a fight.

But he'd figured out a way. The best and easiest way to get the beast back in the pit and save the world. And all it would cost him was his life. He hadn't told Dean of course. He knew Dean wouldn't go along with it. At least not yet. But deep down he knew, then the moment came, when it was time, he'd see it was their only option.

Beside it was the least he could do. He'd started this after all. And it wasn't like he had anything to live for. He'd been wanting out of this life, and this was probably the only way that would ever happen.

 

 

_**~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~** _

 

 

Sam stormed out of the house, his heart pounding, his hands trembling. He had to get away. He dropped down on the dirt beside the Impala. His head falling back to rest against the polished metal. He didn't know what made him sicker; that Brady, his best friend. - Or at least who he'd thought was his best friend. - was really a demon and had been responsible for Jess' death. Or that it had all been a lie. Another of hell's manipulations to get him here. He was even beginning to doubt Jess.

Brady had said she hadn't known, that she wasn't anything but a pawn, but how could he be sure? How would he ever be sure again?

He'd already proven over and again that his judgement was screwed up. He'd trusted Meg. He'd trusted Ruby. - He'd trusted Katherine. And none of them had been who he thought they were. They'd all been mistakes. They'd all almost destroyed him.

 _You also trusted Sarah_. His mind reminded him, gently. _And a thousand others._

Sam ran a hand over his face. That was true, he'd trusted Sarah and deep down he knew Jess wasn't a demon manipulating him. And that Katherine had just been a bystander. That Gabriel had never actually tried to destroy him. - Just as he'd known deep down that he couldn't trust Meg or Ruby. It was just hard right now. He was already drowning in a lake of confusion and grief. It was just bad timing.

 

 

_**~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~** _

 

 

He'd like to say that killing Brady made him feel better. He'd like to say it gave him closer but the truth was it didn't. Jessica was still dead. They were all on their jolly way to the end of the world. All it had done really was leave them with one less demon to worry about. - And a few helpful answers.

 

 

_**~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~** _

 

 

Sam sat at the desk, his eyes flickering aimlessly over the large bible. An etching of an archangel staring up at him. Supposedly Gabriel. Sam's fingers skimmed over the image. A sadness settling in his gut. He couldn't put a name to what he'd felt for the archangel. Or maybe he didn't want to. But he couldn't deny he was feeling the man's loss.

He glanced up to find Castiel slouched over the kitchen table, his head in is hands. They hadn't long gotten back from stopping the Croatoan Virus shipment. Sam could see the weariness in the angel's features. He'd been like that since return after being MIA for almost a month. Sam's gaze flickered down once more to the pages. He wondered if Gabriel could have survived. Whether he might return too?

After everything that had happened with Brady, he wasn't sure of anything any more. Least of all his own feelings. His finger tips tapped at the page. If Gabriel had survived, or returned like Cass had done, would he come to see him? After the way they'd parted Sam doubted it.

He closed his eyes and remembered that parting look. The words not said. Though he still couldn't say what they would have been. Then he remembered Kali's face. The genuine hurt in her eyes. But then she'd fooled him once already, maybe she'd lied to him then too.

Sam looked over at Cass once again. He wanted to ask the angel exactly what happened to his kind when they died. Did they go to heaven or somewhere else? Or did they just cease to exist? Sam swallowed hard. He didn't like that thought.

What would Gabriel's heaven like? Would it be anything like his own? Would he be replaying his life? Would he be a part of it? Sam tried not to think about his own time in heaven. What had happened to him before Dean had found him. Reliving that night with Gabriel in New York. - As well as their first meeting. It had left him with a weird feeling. It may have been part of the reason why upon his return he'd called Gabriel.

Inhaling slowly, Sam rubbed at his eyes before slamming the book closed. He needed air. Needed to clear his head and focus on convincing Dean to let him say yes. It was there only chance. Pushing himself out of the desk chair, he headed for the door and the front porch.

Outside he filled his lungs with fresh cold air. Lowering himself onto the front step. He stared out across the yard, not really seeing the towers of scrap in front of him. His mind drifting to what the future might hold. If Dean agreed to the plan, he'd say yes. He'd have to battle Lucifer for control of his body and then jump into the cage. He tried not to think about what came after that. Dean had said himself that he'd have a harder time than he'd had. He'd be spending eternity with Lucifer riding his ass.

A cold sweat slid down his back at the thought.

"Sammy?"

He looked around with a start at the sound of Dean's voice.

"We'll do it your way." he murmured reluctantly before turning and heading back into the house.

 

 

_**~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~** _

 

 

Sam cringed at the first taste of blood on his tongue, closing his eyes as it slid down his throat. Bringing back memories of Ruby. How he'd believed her, trusted her. How she'd lied and manipulated him at every turn. The screams of the demons he'd gutted to get this blood rang deafeningly in his ears. He wanted to be sick. To clear it from his system and forget this whole stupid plan but he couldn't. This was the plan.

Not for the first time he wondered if Gabriel had known this was how it was going to turn out. That he was going to have to take that final leap. _Maybe that was why he was so reluctantly to help._ A small voice whispered. He shook his head, opening his eyes and lowering the empty gallon bottle. Breathless and trembling. The demon blood already beginning to spark to life in his veins.

Reaching for the other bottle, he glanced at the sky. He hadn't asked Cass in the end. Too afraid to know the truth. Instead he allowed himself to lie once again. Believe that Gabriel was somewhere. Whether on earth or in heaven. It was easier than the thought that Sam had delivered him to the gates of oblivion and left him there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter and that will be it. Hope this chapter was better than the last, despite being shorter. Sorry about that. If you're waiting for Sam to find out about his son, there's at least another story before that happens. But I have a plan. It will happen. Anyway see you again soon.


	6. In The Devil's Lair

It was darkness. Hot blazing darkness. Suffocating. Sam tried to fight his way free of the prison that was his own body. He could hear his own voice, yet he wasn’t speaking. Was this how Jimmy Novak felt? He had said it was like being chained to a comet. That wasn’t even close to how Sam felt right now. He clawed some more. He had to get free. He had to take control.

“….I can feel you scratching away in there.”

Sam cringed at Lucifer’s words on _his_ tongue.

“Look; I’ll take the gag off okay.”

 

 

There was light. Just a little light. The heat cooled and he could almost breathe again. He could also see himself. Like looking in a mirror and seeing a stranger. Then he realised that was exactly what he was doing. He saw his own features, but not his soul. Heard his own voice, but not his words.

“You’ve got me all wrong kiddo. I’m not the bad guy.”

The pet name sent a sickening feeling though his gut. He tried to hide it beneath the anger and hoped he’d succeed. “I’m going to rip you apart from the inside out. Do you understand me?” Sam spat viciously.

 

 

He watched his own lips curve upwards into a cold smirk. “Such anger young Skywalker. - Who are you really angry with? Me? - Or that face in the mirror?”

Sam clung onto that anger as the fallen angel taunted him. “I’m sure this is all a big joke to you, huh?”

“Not at all.” Lucifer shook his head. “I’ve been waiting for you. For a long, long time.”

Sam felt his stomach pitch and roll.

“Come on Sam, you have to admit you can feel it, right?”

“What?”

“The exhilaration. And you know why that is? Because we’re two halves made whole.”

 

 

Sam tried not to listen. Tried not to fall under the spell the fallen angel was trying to weave around him, but it was there. That small voice that said Lucifer was right. That he’d always wanted this.

“MFEO. Literary.” Lucifer cooed.

 

 

The more Lucifer spoke, the louder the voice at the back of his mind got. Familiar. Reassuring. - Seductive. “This feels pretty far from good.”

“I’m inside your grapefruit, Sam. You can’t lie to me. I see it all.”

Sam tried not to think. He tried to put up a wall. Keep Lucifer from seeing everything.

 

 

“How odd you always felt. How out of place in that…. _family_ of yours. And why shouldn’t you have? They were foster care at best. I’m your real family.”

Sam fought against the urge to listen and believe. Lucifer was wrapping truths around lies, creating a tainted version of reality. Much like the illusions Gabriel had weaved. “No. It’s not true.”

“It is. And I know you know it. All those times you ran away, you weren’t running from them, you were running towards me.”

 

 

Sam inhaled sharply. That voice whispering louder. So familiar. So haunting and persuasive. Then he realized why. Whose voice it was. Ruby. Ruby’s quiet whispers telling him what he wanted to hear, no matter how untrue.

“This doesn’t have to be a bad thing.” Lucifer said. “I let Dean live didn’t I? I want him to live. - I’ll bring your folks back too.”

Sam shook his head. Lies. It was all lies.

“I want you to be happy Sam.”

“I don’t want _anything_ from you.” Sam snapped breathlessly.

“Really?” Lucifer scoffed. “Not even a little pay back?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

 

Lucifer turned them, facing away from the mirror. Revealing a circle of people to Sam. Silent and submissively waiting.

“Look closely. None of these little devils look familiar to you?”

Sam stared at them. Hating how many of them he recognised. Swallowing hard. “That’s….Mr Ben Smyth. One of my grad school teacher.” his stomach lurched again.

“And that’s your friend Doug from that time in East Lancing. And Rachel, your prom date.”

 

 

Sam sucked in a pained breath. All his life he’d been manipulated. All his life no one was who he’d thought they were. Everyone had lied to him.

“Sam Winchester, this is your life. Azazal’s gang. Watching you since you were a rug-rat. Chucking you around like you were a dog on a leash. I know how you feel about them. Me too. - So what do you say you and I blow off a little steam?”

 

 

It was all too much. Too many lies. Too many people he’d thought he could trust. People he’d cared about. It had been hard enough knowing Brady had been working against him. Using Jessica to control him. Discovering now that there had been others. He’d feared this. The second he’d found out about Brady. Those doubts had settled. - Had Jess been one of them? How would he ever know? If she wasn’t already dead, would she be stood with them? It was all too much. Too much betrayal fanning the flames of his anger.

 

 

 

**~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~**

 

 

Sam staggered backwards, even as his hands continued to rip at the demon in front of him. He could feel the warm blood between his fingers. He closed his eyes. Trying to breath. Gagging slightly on the scent of death and sulphur. Gabriel’s words balling with the persuasive whisper of Ruby and Lucifer. Tearing him apart. When he looked back he was staring into his own face.

 

 

“So? Are we having fun yet?” Lucifer asked with an arrogant grin.

Sam turned away. Dean was right. He hadn’t been strong enough. He couldn’t fight this. Closing his eyes, he groaned. The fight seeping out of him.

“Aw Sammy, why so glum?”

 

 

In a desperate need to escape the guilt and pain, he reached for comfort. Grappling for something good. Something he could hide behind and found it tucked away in his mind. He probably shouldn’t have let himself think about it. Shouldn’t have lowered that wall. But he was already lost. He couldn’t win this fight. So what did it mater? What could Lucifer do now? _“I wasn’t using you. That’s not what that was about dick-brain. - Think of it as my bucket list.”_

 

 

“Well…” Lucifer frowned. “So, that’s why he did it? I never believed all that tripe about fighting for humanity. I thought it was that… _woman_. I have to admit this I never saw coming. He doesn‘t seem you type there Sammy. What would Dean say?”

Sam inhaled sharply; an acid like pit rolling in his stomach.

“So maybe I’ve been going about this all wrong. Maybe it isn’t revenge you want.” Lucifer huffed, turning them both back to the circle of dead demons.

 

 

Sam fought against the bindings that were holding him there. Fought not to let Lucifer any further.

“Sammy?”

Sam lifted his eyes and inhaled shapely as a figure, familiar and painful to look at stepped out of the shadows. A smirk bright on his face. “Stop.” Sam hissed; closing his eyes, knowing it wouldn’t stop it.

“Hey Kiddo, nice mess you’ve gotten yourself into, huh?”

Sam shook his head. He didn’t want to hear it. Did want to feel it. He couldn’t deal with this right now.

 

 

“I’m not surprised he lied to you. Gabriel was always an insecure little angel. Never could quite live up to our father’s expectations. Used to follow me around like a little lost sheep. It was kind of pathetic really.”

 

 

Sam stared at Gabriel, the archangel seemingly unaffected by his brother’s heartless words. But then it wasn’t Gabriel. Not really. Gabriel was dead.

“But well there’s no accounting for taste.” Lucifer snarled. “Okay Sammy, so how about if you stop fighting me, if you just surrender and give in, I’ll bring him back. I’ll let you have what you really want. Deep down. Under all the lies and masks. Dean will never have to know.”

 

 

Sam shook his head as Gabriel stepped closer, the archangel’s hand reaching out to him. Pressing his palm against the hunter’s cheek. Only unlike before there was no warmth with that touch. No comfort. When Gabriel shifted closer; lifting his lips to Sam’s there was no lingering taste of honey. But there was the memory, and the need to hide. Before he even realized it he was surrendering. It was over anyway. Lucifer had won. He was always going to win.

 

 

**~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~**

 

 

Gabriel’s lips crumbled beneath his. Parting to allow Sam to take what he so desperately needed. His tongue sliding against the archangel as he pushed him back against the tin walls of the garage. Gabriel’s hands threaded through his hair, tugging roughly on the long strands, causing him to moan.

 

 

He gasped for breath the moment Gabriel pulled away, though his mouth wasn’t absent for long. Only misplaced. A second later it was pressed firmly against the column of Sam’s neck. He curled his fingers into his palms and breathed as Gabriel sank his teeth into his collarbone. The heat and honey so strong. So insistent. He just couldn’t hold back any longer. His hands unfurled and gripped the sides of Gabriel’s face. Deepening the kiss. Drawing out the passion and need they both shared.

 

 

He dropped a single arm to wrap around Gabriel’s waist, tugging him forward. The angel’s legs opening wider and wrapping around him. Gabriel’s arms tight around his neck. Sam lifted the angel from the workbench. Surprised by how light he was. Light as a feather.

 

 

Sam carried him a few feet to the hood of the Impala. Laying him down slowly. Their mouth’s never parting. Hand grabbed at Sam’s shirt, ripping it open and forcing it off his shoulders. He didn’t protest, didn’t complain. He reached for the fabric and ripped it the rest of the way off his body. Then he reached for Gabriel’s wine coloured shirt, tearing it open. Pushing the fabric aside to reveal bare pale flesh. Sam stared down at the expanse of skin for a long moment before leaning forward. Pressing his open mouth to the center of Gabriel’s ribcage. His hips rocking forward against the archangel’s denim clad rear.

 

 

Gabriel moaned as Sam sucked and nipped his way from one nipple to the other, before moving down the archangel’s body. His hands preceding him. Tugging at the fastening of his jeans. Gabriel’s head rolled back against the polished hood of the Impala as Sam’s large strong hand wrapped around his dick. Massaging it in long firm strokes.

 

 

Sam was practically on his knees, his mouth hovering inches from the tip of the dick in his hand. He could smell the pre-cum and musk and licked his lips, eager to taste. He dragged his tongue over the head and groaned at the flavour painting his taste buds. He opened his mouth wide, taking all the archangel had in. Savouring the unusual flavour. Gabriel’s fingers curled into his hair as he let out a small cry.

 

 

Sam sucked and tongued at the member till it grew heavy in his mouth. Till the scent of musk and sweetness was almost suffocating. He drew back with a wet pop and a distressed frustrated moan from Gabriel. Getting to his feet he hovered over the man, dropping to capture the angel’s mouth in a deep kiss. Allowing Gabriel to taste himself on his tongue. The sound of a zipper impossibly loud in the silent tin building.

 

Gabriel gasped at the first press of Sam’s spit slicked fingers and Sam grinned into his neck, sucking a dark possessive bruise into the flesh.

“Sam. I’m ready.” Gabriel panted into his ear.

Sam doubt the statement but didn’t argue. Shifting closer, pulling Gabriel against him. His hand guiding him into the smaller body. The tightness incredible around his dick. The pair groaning in sync. Both feeling how right it was.

 

 

Sam clamped a vice grip on Gabriel’s hips as he began to thrust into him. Deep. Harsh. The sound of their pants rebounding off the walls. Gabriel’s bare back sliding over the Impala with each thrust of Sam hips. The angel’s fingers biting deep into the hunter’s shoulders. Leaving bruises in their wake.

 

 

Sam leant forward to capture Gabriel’s lips once more. Biting down on the thin lower one, drawing it away from the man’s teeth before letting it go. Gabriel reached down between them, needing to bring himself to orgasm, only to have Sam’s large hand clamping around his wrist and forcing it up above his head. The hunter shaking his own in denial. Sam quickened the pace. Thrusting harder. Almost violently in his desire to bring them both to climax.

 

 

The voice was distant at first. Far away. A whisper that he wasn’t all that sure he was actually hearing till it grew louder, clearer, and Sam could finally make out the words. Pleas. Desperate. Filled with pain and sadness. He fought against the darkness. Clawing his way to the surface as the voice grew and caused his stomach to burn with anger and fear.

 

 

The archangel’s body exploding first. Trembling beneath him. Sam stared down at him. His vision going white around him.

 

 

The first shards of light blinded him. So blinding it made his head hurt. Images flashed through his mind. Dean. The voice was Dean. His brother. His friend. The only person he’d ever truly trusted. Who’d never lied to him, unless it was to protect him. Who’d never manipulated him.

 

 

The images faded, along with the light and there he was. Dean, crumpled and bloody against the side of the Impala. Pleading for him to stop. Sam reached out, stopping his own arm in mid air. Ignoring the furious growled and rants of Lucifer as the fallen archangel tried to regain control. But Sam wasn’t going to give it up. Not now. He wouldn’t fail Dean again. He’d end what he’d started.

 

 

“This obsession to save Dean. The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other. Nothing good comes out of it. Just blood and pain. Dean’s your weakness and the bad guys know it too. Its going to be the death of you Sam.”

 

 

Sam smiled inwardly. Dean may be his weakness, but that’s what love was. Weakness. It was also the greatest strength. It gave you courage to face your biggest fear. It made it easier to take a leap when it was to protect someone you loved. Something told Sam that in the end Gabriel had understood that.

 

**TO BE CONTINUED**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming Soon: Dreams Are The Salvation Of A Soul.
> 
> As Sam and Dean take on the Leviathan‘s, Sam struggles to deal with Lucifer‘s taunting. Unable to distinguish between the real world and his disillusions, Sam finds sanctuary in his dreams with the one person who had always given him protection. When the pressure of holding Lucifer at bay becomes too much and Sam finally breaks, will Gabriel be able to hold him together long enough for Dean to save him? 
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: I’m terrible with ending as you all know. And this was a doozy. In fact this whole story was a bit of a chore, but I felt it needed to be written. Sam’s side needed to be told. Especially as I’ve got to switch from Gabriel’s POV to Sam’s in order for the series to continue. As Sam is destine to discover the truth about his son.
> 
>  
> 
> For those expecting Sam to discover the truth about Samandriel now, sorry. Not quite yet. But I promise he will find out. And this series just keeps growing because the show keeps running. I can’t wait to see season nine. Touch wood the DVD are released over here soon. It’s killing me. And I need to try and figure out how all this series of stories is going to be effected. 
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway. I’m off to work on Dreams Are The Salvation Of The Soul. Hopefully it won’t be long before I can post. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying my little worlds as much as I am. See you again soon.


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